


Of Bridges & Breathing

by sweetelia



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai, Nightmares, Romance, Suicidal Thoughts, Verbal Abuse, baekhyun has an unnamed OC ex boyfriend, past implied minor character death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:47:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26607730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetelia/pseuds/sweetelia
Summary: "Last night I had a dream that you kissed me on top of every bridge I've almost jumped off of."Baekhyun is searching for a reason to keep going. Chanyeol might just be the answer.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 16
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! 
> 
> This story is inspired by the tweet linked below (and quoted in the summary) that absolutely compelled me to write. I think it might have been submitted to a fic fest as a prompt but never written? I'm new to AO3 and fic writing in general so I hope this is allowed. 
> 
> I intend for this fic to be pretty long since I'm a sucker for long chaptered stories, but don't fret! I'll be updating frequently and will be seeing this through to its (happy) end. 
> 
> Special thanks to my lovely beta, R, without whom this story would not have been possible. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy!
> 
> https://twitter.com/avxlanche/status/539208286801629184

“How long has it been since you slept?”

Baekhyun looked up at the sound of the voice, surprised to see his roommate leaning on the entryway wall this late at night. He sighed, pausing momentarily to glance at his watch. _Just after midnight. I thought he and Jongdae would both be asleep by now._ He quickly finished slipping on his shoes and stood up to grab his coat. “I slept earlier today, Soo.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. “Sure you did, if you call dozing off for two hours in the library actually sleeping. I bet it’s been over a week since you’ve actually rested. Am I right?” Baekhyun didn’t answer, and instead turned away and reached out to open the door.

Before he was even able to turn the doorknob, he felt a hand on his shoulder. “Wait! Where are you going?” Kyungsoo’s voice sounded strained. Baekhyun turned and met his gaze again, Kyungsoo’s apathetic expression now replaced by one of worry.

“I’m just going for a walk,” Baekhyun replied. Kyungsoo searched Baekhyun’s face skeptically, intently looking into his eyes. “Baek, are you alright? It’s not exactly safe to be wandering around by yourself this late.”

“It’s just a walk, Soo. You don’t have to worry about me,” Baekhyun murmured as he quickly opened the door and slipped outside before Kyungsoo could realize he didn’t answer his question. _You shouldn’t worry about me. I’m not worth it._

  
  


************************

  
  


The autumn breeze swirled around Baekhyun as he walked down the nearly deserted streets of the city. Though the air was not nearly as cold as the biting winds of winter that would arrive in a few weeks, it was cold enough to make him shiver as he pressed on, hands buried in his coat pockets and eyes downcast.

While most of the world slept, Baekhyun walked. He wandered aimlessly through the streets with no particular destination in mind, no attention paid to his surroundings. He kept moving regardless, desperately pacing the narrow alleys and wide sidewalks, absorbed in his own mind as he tried to keep from drowning in the memories he would rather forget.

Walking was his only comfort, after everything. Walking helped him feel like he was running away—away from the pain and the hurt that suffocated him in the oppressive silence of his dark bedroom, that made sleeping next to impossible.

The nightmares began six months ago, after his ex-boyfriend of three years up and left him with no warning to study in America. He left Baekhyun without so much as a second thought, breaking the lease on their shared apartment without telling Baekhyun and throwing him out on the street. Baekhyun was blindsided. Sure, they had arguments and fights and it wasn’t a fairytale romance, but Baekhyun trusted him. Besides Kyungsoo, he was the only person Baekhyun had opened up to about his parents’ messy divorce when he was 15. His boyfriend knew that Baekhyun felt he caused the divorce, that he ruined his father’s happiness, that his father’s last words to him before leaving were “I never wanted you, you’re nothing but a burden.” He knew the pain and guilt Baekhyun carried, and he threw it back in Baekhyun’s face.

Baekhyun tried to pick up the pieces of his broken spirit, shattered by the cruel, hateful words spewed by the man he loved.

_“I never loved you. You’re unlovable.”_

_“I never wanted you. You’re a burden.”_

Three days later, Kyungsoo was the one that found him, curled up in a ball on a library couch at their university next to his small suitcase. He insisted that Baekhyun stay with him and their friend Jongdae in the third bedroom of their apartment. Baekhyun was too numb to resist.

Kyungsoo said that this was a good thing, a chance to live a happier life, since he thought Baekhyun’s ex was “abusive” and that the relationship was “unhealthy.”

Baekhyun shook his head, attempting to snap out of his flashbacks as he continued to roam the dimly lit streets. He made the mistake of looking at an oncoming car’s headlight, and paused for a moment to rub the light and sleep out of his eyes.

_What does Kyungsoo know anyway?_ Baekhyun thought bitterly. _He doesn’t seem to understand that it was all my fault._

Baekhyun examined the street corner he found himself on and realized that he’d never seen it before. He stood still for a moment, debating which path of the intersection to take, when a gust of cold wind blew from his left. _A bridge_ , Baekhyun thought as he gazed over his shoulder in the direction the wind came from. _Have I really walked all the way to the river?_

He began making his way to the bridge, slowly and with increasing difficulty. Six months of barely sleeping will do that to a person.

The nightmares began the first night he spent living at Kyungsoo and Jongdae’s. He woke up shaking, covered in sweat, and with tear tracks down his cheeks after seeing his worst fears projected behind his eyelids. He had heard the words that haunted him most, first spoken by his father and later by his ex, but this time they were coming from the people he cared about the most. His mother, the only constant in his whole life. Kyungsoo, his best friend since childhood and the closest thing he had to a brother. Jongdae, his stubborn and loyal other best friend. At first Baekhyun thought this was a one-time occurrence, but after weeks passed and the bad dreams only worsened, he began to get creative.

Baekhyun tried everything he could think of to dispel the nightmares. He got a weighted blanket, drank chamomile tea and cut caffeine, hung dream catchers above his bed, did deep breathing exercises, tried to sleep on a schedule. They all ended the same way: with Baekhyun waking with a scream, crying and trembling. Eventually he just gave up on sleeping at night and fought with himself to stay awake as long as possible. Sometimes he watched movies, sometimes he tried to actually study, but nothing worked as well as walking. Baekhyun reserved walking as his last resort, something to do when the exhaustion seemed to be making a home in his bones and his eyelids seemed to have weights attached to them.

When Baekhyun cleared his head again, he found himself in the middle of the pedestrian walkway of the bridge, no one else in sight save a few lonely cars driving past every few minutes. Baekhyun leaned on the railing, fatigue setting in immediately now that he stopped walking. He fidgeted with his phone for a moment before pocketing it again, seeing as it was now 2AM and he had no new notifications. _Good,_ he thought. _That means Soo went to bed._

Baekhyun leaned forward and rested his head on his hands as he looked down at the slow-moving obsidian water of the river far below. Tonight wasn’t the first time Baekhyun had found himself on a bridge, but tonight was the first time he stopped on one. The water looked beautiful, and Baekhyun gazed down at it, lost in thought.

He was so tired. His mind, his body, his soul were all so tired. So tired of having to avoid sleep like the plague for fear of what horrors his mind would make him witness this time. So tired of masking his gaunt face and discolored skin with makeup to hide how sleep-deprived he actually was. So tired of hating himself, for burdening those he loves. He just wanted it all to stop, just for a minute so he could catch his breath and not spend every waking moment struggling to see a point in his survival. Just one minute of silence where his mind isn’t constantly berating him for every single thing he does. One minute of peace.

Baekhyun stared at the water as tears began to flow from his eyes. It looked so inviting. Silent. Peaceful.

He took out his phone one last time and looked through blurry eyes at the background of his lock screen. The smiling faces of Kyungsoo and Jongdae looked back at him from the photo Baekhyun had taken at Jongdae’s birthday party last month. Both boys were laughing as they tried to smear cupcake icing on each other’s faces, only looking at the camera when Baekhyun called their attention right before he snapped the photo. He loved that photo, he loved seeing their happiness. Baekhyun smiled and choked back a sob as he traced the faces of his best friends in the world.

His mind didn’t grant him the reprieve he so desperately yearned for. It began whispering the words that poisoned his mind, ones he heard so often in his nightmares that he started to believe them.

_They’re happier without you there. You bring them down, they’re only putting up with you until they decide to leave too, for their own good._

“I’m sorry I didn’t answer you earlier Kyungsoo. I’m not alright. I haven’t been alright in years,” Baekhyun whispered as he looked desperately at his phone, the rest of his apologies lost in the sobs now wracking his body as his mind continued to berate him.

_All you do is worry them. You burden them and everyone else, and you’re not even worth their energy. With you gone, they’ll be spared the suffering you bring everyone. Just jump already, that’s the only good thing you’ll ever be able to do for them._

Baekhyun shoved his phone in his pocket since he couldn’t even see the screen anymore.

_Just do it. Jump._

He could hear the water calling to him even over the roaring in his ears, over his shallow breaths and quiet sobs. He couldn’t breathe, his lungs were burning, and he just craved an ending to the pain.

_JUMP._

Baekhyun felt the last of his resolve crumble. “Okay,” Baekhyun whispered as the roaring in his ears became deafening and the pain became unbearable. He moved to raise his leg to climb over the metal railing and plunge to the relief of the river below, but before he could even raise his foot, he was pulled back into a warm embrace.

  
  
  
  
  


*****************************

  
  
  
  
  


Baekhyun’s body relaxed momentarily into the arms curled around his shaking shoulders, the tension subsiding and an inexplicable wave of calmness washing over him as he leaned back into a solid chest. It felt nice. Safe.

Unfortunately, the tranquility was short-lived as Baekhyun’s mind processed the situation. He jerked forward out of the stranger’s hold, turning around to face the assailant and backing away. In his haste to get away, however, Baekhyun forgot just how close he was standing to the railing of the bridge and would have toppled backwards over the edge had strong hands not reached out to steady him, accompanied by a distressed voice.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you I promise, I know that sounds weird to say now but you have to believe me, I didn’t mean it!”

Baekhyun squinted as he turned his gaze to the direction of the voice, briefly blinded by the streetlights adorning the bridge walkway. Blinking rapidly as his eyes adjusted, Baekhyun began to take in the person in front of him. He was a young man, who couldn’t be much older than Baekhyun, though he stood several inches taller. Though the breeze from the river below made the night chilly, the man wore only simple sweatpants and a hoodie, with his disheveled platinum blonde fringe creeping out from under a red beanie. Baekhyun slowly looked up at the man, and only when his gaze was met by almond-shaped eyes open wide and peering at him frantically did he realize that the boy was still talking to him.

“…sorry! I was just out walking my dog when I saw you and you looked like you could use a hug. I hope you don’t mind.” The man smiled sheepishly as he removed one hand from Baekhyun’s shoulders to rub the nape of his neck. Baekhyun briefly looked down to his feet where a small black poodle sat, waiting for his owner. “I hope you don’t think that’s too weird.”

Baekhyun gave him a small smile as he wiped his red-rimmed eyes and lightly shook his head before turning back to face the river below, not trusting his voice enough to speak.

“Careful not to get too close to the edge again, you might accidentally fall over!” the man chuckled as he took a step forward to lean on the railing next to Baekhyun.

Baekhyun tensed at his words, his mind flashing back to only a few moments prior, feeling the crushing pain wash over him once again. His chest constricted, breathing became harder and harder. His eyes filled with tears as the gravity of what he was about to do sunk in.

“What if it wasn’t going to be an accident?” Baekhyun whispered with what little breath he could muster, eyes squeezed shut as he tried to keep his tears at bay.

For a moment, everything was silent but the soft rumbling of the river. Baekhyun thought the stranger might have left, until he heard a soft “ _Oh._ ” The silence that followed was almost as suffocating as the thoughts swirling around Baekhyun’s mind. He gripped the railing as tightly as he could, a futile attempt to ground himself.

_Now you’ve done it again. Ruined the night of some innocent person. You should’ve just jumped when you had the chance. You only hurt other people, no one cares about you. No one cares-_

Baekhyun flinched when he felt a warm hand slide on top of his own. His tear-filled eyes shot open and flashed over to the hand’s owner, who was already looking at him with kind eyes and a sad smile.

“Do you mind if we stay here with you for a while?” the man asked gently.

Before Baekhyun could react, the man had already begun moving. A new wave of panic swept through Baekhyun’s body as he felt the comfortable assurance of the man’s hand lift away. But instead of leaving, as Baekhyun feared he would, the man simply slid to sit on the cold concrete of the walkway and held his hand up to Baekhyun, gesturing for him to join.

Baekhyun wanted to join him, but it felt like he was frozen in place, hands glued to the railing and feet held down by thousand-pound weights. His vision was still blurry, his breathing much too shallow and irregular. Baekhyun knew what usually happened next, but he wanted to do everything in his power not to expose that side of himself to a complete stranger.

He closed his eyes once again and focused all his energy on breathing. He knew he had to break the cycle before the panic attack could set in.

“When you’re ready, we’ll still be here,” came the man’s voice, but to Baekhyun it sounded as if he was speaking underwater. Nevertheless, his deep voice assuaged Baekhyun’s panic just enough that he was able to draw a decent sized breath, no longer in danger of hyperventilating. He shifted his attention to his fingers, now nearly white from their viselike grip on the railing. One by one, Baekhyun methodically lifted his fingers until both hands had completely released and rested atop the railing. He slowly coaxed the rest of his body out of its frozen trance by tensing and relaxing each area of his body, starting with his feet and moving through his legs, chest, arms and shoulders until finally, he could move again.

Baekhyun wiped the tears that had gathered in the corners of his eyes and lowered himself down to sit next to the man, leaning his back up against the metal bars of the railing behind him.

“I’m Chanyeol, by the way,” the man said as Baekhyun sat down. “What’s your name?”

“Baekhyun,” he responded shakily, still struggling to maintain his breathing.

The man, Chanyeol, smiled at him. “Baekhyun…that’s a pretty name. Oh, and this little ball of fur is Toben!” he exclaimed as he gestured to the dog curled up on his lap, its black fur blending in with Chanyeol’s black sweatpants. The dog lifted his head excitedly as he heard his name, looking up at his owner expectantly before his eyes fell on Baekhyun and he started squirming in Chanyeol’s arms.

“I think he wants to come sit on your lap,” Chanyeol laughed as he struggled to keep an overly eager Toben restrained. “I promise he won’t bite, he’s really nice, just a bit excited.”

“He can if he wants to,” Baekhyun said softly.

Chanyeol smiled, and gingerly picked up Toben and placed him on Baekhyun’s crossed legs.

Toben stopped wriggling as soon as Chanyeol let him go, instantly calmer. Baekhyun expected Toben to continue jumping up on his shoulders, demanding attention as he had from Chanyeol, but Toben simply sat on Baekhyun’s legs, staring up at him as if he could sense the sadness radiating from Baekhyun. Toben stood up lightly on his hind legs, balancing his front paws on Baekhyun’s chest, and lightly licked Baekhyun’s nose. The touch was so pure, so gentle, that something inside of Baekhyun snapped.

“Wow, Toben usually isn’t so polite the first time he meets a new person. He’s usually so jumpy and—” Chanyeol cut himself off when he noticed Baekhyun’s shoulders shaking.

Baekhyun was crying. At first the cries were silent, quiet trickles of rain from his eyes collected by Toben, who continued to lick his face. Then, Baekhyun drew in a deep, ragged breath, and let out a heart-wrenching sob.

It was as if the dam had burst, and now the waterfall of pent up tears had no choice but to cascade down his cheeks. All of the pent-up emotion flowed forth, nothing left to stop it.

Baekhyun sobbed, growing more hysterical by the second. His breathing once again became rapid and shallow as he tried to fill his burning lungs with air to no avail. His chest seared in pain as he hyperventilated, his heart felt like it might beat right out of his chest. The air was too heavy for him to breathe, he felt like he was drowning.

Chanyeol watched as Baekhyun broke down, worry etched in his features. Toben had stopped licking Baekhyun’s face, opting instead to curl up in his lap and nuzzle against his legs. Chanyeol placed his hand on the back of the trembling boy, attempting to soothe his cries.

Baekhyun barely registered the touch, every sense gone save for the profound pain coursing through his veins as he finally stopped repressing everything he’d been feeling all this time. He began spouting any thought that came to mind.

“ _I-It’s all my fault, everything is my fault_ ,” Baekhyun wept, covering his eyes with his hand.

Chanyeol just listened, rubbing small circles on Baekhyun’s shoulder to let him know that he was still there, that he wasn’t alone.

“ _I d-don’t want to d-die, I just want the p-pain to stop._ ”

Baekhyun’s words became incoherent as he continued choking on his sobs. Chanyeol leaned closer and began to whisper soft words of reassurance, but they fell on deaf ears.

Baekhyun’s sobs continued, drops of grief pouring down his face as he poured his heart out.

“ _All I do is h-hurt them, m-make them s-suffer.”_

_“I’m just a b-burden.”_

_“I’m not g-good e-enough for an-anyone.”_

All the while, Chanyeol remained beside Baekhyun as he cried, his hand rubbing comforting circles on Baekhyun’s back as he whispered words of _it’ll be okay, it’s not your fault, you are so loved_ on an endless loop.

  
  


*******************************

  
  


The gentle touches and lilting cadences of Chanyeol’s voice eventually calmed Baekhyun. His sobs slowly subsided, his breathing became heavier, and the pain coursing through his veins finally dissipated. Sheer exhaustion and utter emptiness took its place.

Chanyeol’s hand hadn’t moved from its home on Baekhyun’s shoulder, still caressing it tenderly. Baekhyun, too tired to feel any guilt or embarrassment for being so vulnerable in front of a stranger, simply wiped the straggling tears from his eyes and looked down at Toben, who had managed to sleep peacefully through the whole ordeal. Chanyeol cleared his throat lightly, and Baekhyun braced himself for the onslaught of questions.

Instead, Chanyeol simply murmured, “I’m proud of you. That couldn’t have been easy,” before offering Baekhyun a small smile. Baekhyun, still numb from the panic attack, had no response, only staring back into Chanyeol’s chocolate brown eyes. He fleetingly wondered if Chanyeol would press for more information, any explanation for what he just witnessed, but thankfully he didn’t.

Chanyeol removed his hand from Baekhyun’s shoulder to fish his phone out from his back pocket. Baekhyun immediately missed the warmth, loneliness settling in his stomach.

“It’s already 3:30AM,” Chanyeol said as he examined the screen of his phone. _We’ve been here for an hour and a half?_ Baekhyun thought. _I could’ve sworn it was only a few minutes._

“Do you live nearby?” Chanyeol asked, pulling Baekhyun from his thoughts.

Baekhyun shook his head. “I don’t think so…I walked at least a few miles to get here.”

Chanyeol slipped his phone back in his pocket as he pushed himself off the ground, waking Toben in the process. “That settles it then. My apartment is just around the corner, you should stay with me tonight. No way you can walk across town this late. Plus, I’m sure you’re exhausted.” Chanyeol smiled down at him as he picked up Toben’s leash.

Baekhyun opened his mouth to protest, to explain why Chanyeol shouldn’t go to such lengths for him, when Chanyeol continued, extending his hand down to help Baekhyun stand. “And before you answer, just know that it’s really no trouble at all, and I’m absolutely sure.”

Baekhyun grabbed Chanyeol’s hand and stood shakily with the help of the other, feeling the exhaustion seeping into his bones. He knew he’d end up passed out in the middle of the street before he could ever make it back home. A small part of Baekhyun’s brain knew that he would regret this, but Baekhyun was too utterly tired to care.

“Okay,” Baekhyun murmured. Chanyeol’s small smile grew to a wide grin.

And so, the pair walked off the bridge together, hands still entwined.


	2. Chapter 2

No more than five minutes later, Baekhyun found himself standing awkwardly in the entryway of Chanyeol’s apartment, unsure of what to do next. He watched as Chanyeol unleashed the now overly-excited Toben, who bounded happily into the apartment and immediately busied himself with digging in his plush dog bed.

“Here, let me take your coat,” Chanyeol said as he removed his hoodie to hang in the narrow closet next to the door. “And just kick off your shoes anywhere around here.”

Baekhyun slipped out of his jacket and wordlessly handed it over before letting his eyes wander over to the small living room. 

The room wasn’t large, but its unique style caught Baekhyun’s attention. A blue floral armchair sat next to a tan couch, both facing a small television that sat upon an ornate wooden table much too big for it. In the center of the setup sat a circular glass coffee table with golden accents atop of a burgundy and brown area rug. Various bookshelves lined the walls, each topped with a different knickknack. Each piece seemed to have a different wear to it, some appearing brand new while others had clearly seen better days.

Though the space was haphazardly furnished and utterly bizarre, when taken in all together it had an endearing, rustic atmosphere that immediately put Baekhyun at ease. It felt cozy. Lived in. Something Baekhyun hadn’t experienced for a long time. 

“Well don’t just stand there, come on in! Make yourself at home,” Chanyeol called as he rummaged around the kitchen. Baekhyun jumped at the sound of his voice. He had been so lost in thought he hadn’t even realized Chanyeol had stepped away. 

Baekhyun slipped off his shoes and placed them next to the disorganized mountain of footwear next to the door before taking a few steps into the carpeted living room. As he waited for Chanyeol to rejoin him, Baekhyun busied himself taking in the artwork adorning the walls. Most were simple paintings of nature, cherry blossoms and rivers, but a few were framed pictures of assorted travel destinations around the world. The Realto bridge of Venice. The Louvre Palace of Paris. The picturesque canals of Amsterdam. 

“Do you want something to eat? Or drink?” 

Baekhyun turned slightly to face Chanyeol, who had poked his head out of the kitchen doorway. He shook his head. “No, thank you though.” 

“Alright, if you’re sure. There’s water in the fridge in case you get thirsty later though,” Chanyeol replied. “Just give me a sec, I have to refill Toben’s water and then I’ll get you settled.” 

Baekhyun returned his attention to the living room, and the now fast-asleep Toben, peacefully curled up in his bed. He would have smiled at the puppy, or questioned Chanyeol’s interesting taste in decor, but the sheer physical exhaustion of barely sleeping for weeks and residual fatigue of the panic attack finally caught up to him. 

As if he sensed that Baekhyun was only a few seconds away from falling asleep on his feet, Chanyeol reappeared and took his hand once more. “Come this way, I’ll show you to the bathroom,” Chanyeol said as he led them down the short hallway into the bedroom, one hand resting gently on the small of Baekhyun’s back. 

“I should have some smaller clothes that should fit you around here somewhere…” Chanyeol mumbled as he rummaged through his drawers. 

Baekhyun glanced around the bedroom, but in his fatigue he barely registered anything at all. Of all things, his eyes landed on a pair of acoustic guitars on their stands, resting next to the windows. 

“Here, these should be more comfortable than what you’re wearing,” Chanyeol said as he handed Baekhyun a black t-shirt, athletic shorts, and a...towel? Baekhyun blinked up at him in confusion. 

Chanyeol answered his questioning gaze with a small smile. “I figured you might want to shower. A shower always makes me feel better after a rough day.” 

Baekhyun didn’t know if he had the stamina to make it through the entire showering process, but he also didn’t have it in him to refuse the kind gesture. After all, showers did make him feel better, even after his worst nightmares. “Sure...thanks.” 

Chanyeol’s small smile widened. “Of course! Use anything you want in the bathroom, I even have a spare toothbrush in the cupboard. I’ll see you when you’re done.”

Baekhyun did his best to smile back, though it turned out more like a grimace, and nodded before making his way to the bathroom, not bothering to lock the door behind him. 

  
  
  


***************************

  
  
  


Baekhyun wiped the steam from the bathroom mirror only to be met with the reflection of his puffy, sunken eyes. The long, scalding shower washed away whatever traces were left of his usual eye makeup, leaving the dark bags under his eyes on full display. Baekhyun lightly traced his fingers over the purple rings. Normally, he’d be embarrassed by his zombie-like complexion, but given that he felt like death, he couldn’t bring himself to care. 

Sighing, Baekhyun lifted his hand to run his fingers through his damp hair. Halfway to his face, he caught sight of his palm and froze. An angry red line graced his swollen hand from his palm to halfway up his fingers, promising a nasty bruise in the coming days. Baekhyun examined his left hand, noticing the very same marks mirrored there as well. 

_ Must’ve gotten these when I gripped the railing too tightly,  _ Baekhyun thought as he faintly traced the fresh wounds. 

A gentle knock on the door startled Baekhyun, his gaze jerking quickly from his hands up to the door behind him. 

“C-come in,” he croaked, his voice cracking on the first syllable. 

The door opened to reveal Chanyeol, now dressed similarly to Baekhyun in a black t-shirt and sweatpants, carrying a small red box. 

“I noticed your palms got hurt when I handed you the clothes. Can I take a look at them?” Chanyeol asked as he stepped into the bathroom. 

Baekhyun nodded weakly. He was surprised Chanyeol even knocked in the first place, or asked his permission. It was his home, after all. His ex never bothered knocking, never believed in giving Baekhyun any privacy in their shared apartment, always wanting Baekhyun available to him.

“I know you’re tired, come sit on the bench here.” Chanyeol gestured to the small white storage bench across from the sink, and Baekhyun gratefully obliged. 

Chanyeol kneeled in front of Baekhyun and gently took Baekhyun’s hand into his own, turning it over to examine his palm. Though Chanyeol’s large hands engulfed Baekhyun’s slender one, his grip was steady and kind. Baekhyun watched as calloused fingertips thoughtfully roamed around the red splotches on his palm, barely touching the enraged skin. 

“Does it hurt? Should I grab some ice?” 

Baekhyun met Chanyeol’s eyes, stunned to see nothing but compassion and concern reflected back at him. Overwhelmed, Baekhyun averted his gaze.

“No...I think it’ll be alright,” Baekhyun mumbled, still reeling from the kindness of the other. No one, save for Kyungsoo and sometimes Jongdae, looked at him like that. Certainly never a stranger.

Chanyeol hummed. “Alright, but I’ll at least put some ointment on them.” He released Baekhyun’s hand and moved to open the red box. A first aid kit, Baekhyun realized. 

Baekhyun tensed as Chanyeol took his hand again, bracing himself for the pain he was sure would follow. 

Though he had barely moved, Chanyeol noticed that Baekhyun had flinched slightly at his touch.

“I promise it won’t hurt, I’ll be careful,” Chanyeol assured him. Baekhyun, unsure of how Chanyeol could be so aware of his actions, only blinked back at him, though the promise was enough for Baekhyun to relax into his hold once more.

True to his word, Baekhyun felt no pain as Chanyeol began applying the cream. He thumbed lightly over Baekhyun’s palms and fingers as he massaged the salve into the skin. The caress was delicate, as if he was afraid Baekhyun was so fragile he would shatter should he press any harder. His touch overflowed with such tenderness, such unadulterated caring, that tears swiftly flooded Baekhyun’s eyes. 

No one had spared him this sort of kindness in years. Not even Kyungsoo or Jongdae, as Baekhyun worked to spare them from his troubles as much as possible. Not his mother. Certainly not his ex. 

Baekhyun had almost forgotten what it felt like, to have someone care for him like this. Like they loved him.

Chanyeol continued his ministrations, moving on to Baekhyun’s other palm. The kindness seeping from his fingertips never faltered, and Baekhyun relaxed into his hold. For the briefest of moments Baekhyun savored the affection, before he came crashing down from his euphoric high with one single thought.

_ You don’t deserve this. No one would ever love you. _

Baekhyun inhaled sharply and moved to jerk his hand back from Chanyeol’s grasp, tears now threatening to spill from his eyes. He felt sickened; he didn’t deserve to be the object of such pure kindness no matter how much he yearned for it.

Before Baekhyun could fully pull away, Chanyeol caught his hand lightly, enclosing it safely in the warmth of both his hands. Baekhyun stilled, and cautiously met Chanyeol’s eyes, anxious about the possibility of being admonished for pulling away. 

When he peered into Chanyeol’s almond-shaped eyes, however, there was no trace of animosity. Chanyeol simply smiled at him and rubbed comforting circles on his wrist.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Chanyeol whispered, lifting one hand to gently brush Baekhyun’s fringe to the side.

A pair of tears escaped down Baekhyun’s cheeks. Strangely enough, all negative thoughts dispelled the moment Chanyeol’s low voice had permeated the silence surrounding them. Baekhyun sat frozen, his teary eyes staring into Chanyeol’s chocolate brown orbs. 

Chanyeol delicately brushed away Baekhyun’s tears with his thumbs, his caress lingering on Baekhyun’s tear-stained cheeks. A warm, tingling feeling crept up Baekhyun’s spine as Chanyeol smiled softly at him, his hands still cupping Baekhyun’s cheeks. It felt as if there was nothing in the world except Chanyeol’s eyes, Chanyeol’s hands, Chanyeol. 

But as soon as it had begun, the moment was over. Chanyeol broke eye contact and stood from his seat on the floor. 

“Come, we should get some sleep before the sun rises,” Chanyeol chuckled as he left the bathroom. Baekhyun, still reeling from the electric moment the two had just shared, took a moment to regain what little composure he could muster before stumbling out after him. 

In the bedroom, Baekhyun was met with the sight of Chanyeol removing a pillow and blanket from his closet. Assuming those would be for him, Baekhyun made a move to walk past the bed to wait by the bedroom door, but Chanyeol was having none of that.

“You’ll sleep here, in the bed. Don’t worry, I put on fresh sheets and blankets while you were in the shower.”

Baekhyun hesitated and glanced between the bed and Chanyeol, who was now looking at him expectantly. “But...where will you sleep?” 

“Oh, on the couch in the living room!” Chanyeol chirped, sounding way too happy about the prospect of spending the night on a couch. 

Chanyeol’s answer did little to relieve Baekhyun’s uneasiness. “I barely sleep, you should take the bed...I don’t want to be a burden,” Baekhyun murmured.

“You’re not a burden. And you look like you haven’t slept in weeks, you should definitely take the bed,” Chanyeol assured. “Plus it’s a comfy couch.” 

Baekhyun, not in the mood to argue, conceded with a weak nod of his head and walked over towards the bed.

“Get some rest, if you need anything at all I’ll be just down the hall with Toben,” Chanyeol said, moving towards the door. 

Before he could exit, Baekhyun mustered up the courage to ask the question that had been lurking in the back of his mind all night. “Why are you helping me?” Baekhyun asked, his voice small, barely above a whisper. 

Though he was already halfway out of the room, Chanyeol turned back, his face adorned with a wistful smile. “Because I think the world is a better place with you in it. Goodnight, Baekhyun.”

With that, Chanyeol shut the bedroom door, leaving Baekhyun alone with his thoughts. 

He laid down on the king-sized bed and stared up at the ceiling of the dimly lit bedroom, illuminated by the streetlights peeking in from the edges of the curtains, wondering why all of Chanyeol’s touches felt so  _ safe _ . Wondering if he really did belong in this world. 

For the first time in almost six months, Baekhyun falls asleep quickly, safe in the embrace of the fluffy duvet.

  
  
  


***********************************

  
  
  


_ He was lost in the darkness, so lost. He couldn’t see a way out, the oppressive obsidian nearly suffocating him. He was scared. Alone. _

_ Faces appeared in the distance. _

_ Maybe they could help him? _

_ He lurched forward, stumbling blindly as he tried to catch up. No matter how hard he tried, wading ever-onward in the dark, he couldn’t reach them. He wasn’t getting any closer. He’s trapped. _

_ He sank to his knees in despair, curling in on himself. A feeble attempt at comfort. He knew what came next. _

_ The faces resurfaced, much closer. They were around him, encircling him, ensnaring him in their clutches. _

_ He pleaded, begging for help. They laughed at him, a cruel cacophony swirling around the darkness. He recognized their voices.  _

_ Jongdae. Kyungsoo. His ex. His mother. His father. _

_ He stared imploringly into their grotesquely distorted faces, contorted as they sneered at him all at once. _

_ “You’re worthless,” hissed Jongdae. _

_ “You were never good enough for me. I never loved you,” his ex cackled. _

_ “I never wanted you. You’re nothing but a burden,” his parents chanted in ghastly unison. _

_ He wailed in anguish as they continued hurling taunts at him. He turned desperately to the last face, praying that he at least wouldn’t hurt him.  _

_ As he stared up at him with weeping eyes, he saw a trace of a smile cross Kyungsoo’s face. A flicker of hope flared, only to be completely extinguished when the smile widened into a garish grin.  _

_ Kyungsoo snarled, “I’m better off without you. Jongdae is the only friend I need.” _

_ He fell once more, curled into a ball as he sobs on the cold ground, voices continuing to hack wounds into his soul. They became faster. Jumbled together as they closed in on him. Smothering him in their endless chorus. _

_ “Unloveable.” “Burden.” “Worthless.” “Terrible.” _

_ The ground gave way. He was falling. Falling through darkness with nothing but the haunting laughter of those he loves in his ears. The darkness became heavier. His lungs burned. He couldn’t breathe. He was drowning _ _ — _

  
  


Baekhyun woke with a start, lurching forward. He was covered in sweat, his whole body shaking. His vision was blurry as tears cascaded down his cheeks and he gasped for air, taking in ragged breaths while he tried to fight off the remnants of his nightmare. 

A touch on his hand startled Baekhyun, who tried to pull back in fear, still shaking away the last bits of his nightmare. Before he could get away, he found his hand encased in a soothing warmth. Soft circles were rubbed on Baekhyun’s wrist, a steady rhythm. Though he still could not hear over the ringing in his ears or see through his teary eyes, the calm touches anchored him as he fought the panic still flourishing in his body. 

After sitting for a while, the effects subsided, and Baekhyun hazily looked towards the source of his comfort. 

Chanyeol sat perched on the other side of the bed and nervously leaned over him. Worry was etched onto his face evident even in the faint light, his hand still gently caressing Baekhyun’s.

Baekhyun blinked up at him. Didn’t Chanyeol leave him earlier to go to the other room? 

“W-what are you doing here?” Baekhyun asked raspily, throat raw from all the crying. 

“I heard cries from the other room so I came in to check on you,” Chanyeol whispered, speaking softly so as not to agitate Baekhyun again. “When I saw you crying in your sleep I shook your shoulder to wake you up. Was it a bad dream?”

Baekhyun nodded feebly, still trembling. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Chanyeol asked gently. 

Baekhyun shook his head. He didn’t think he could bear to relay what happened. Not now, maybe not ever. 

“Are you okay now?” 

Baekhyun nodded again before Chaneyol continued. “It’s still late. Or early, depending on how you look at it. You barely slept an hour, you should go back to sleep. I’ll make breakfast in the morning.” 

Chanyeol smoothed Baekhyun’s hair back, flashed his signature small smile, and went to stand. 

On pure impulse, Baekhyun grabbed Chanyeol’s hand before he could leave. Chanyeol turned back, eyes widened in surprise considering how Baekhyun had barely spoken to him since they arrived at his apartment, let alone initiated any contact. 

“Can you stay?” Baekhyun whispered shakily, suddenly very afraid to be left alone. 

Chanyeol’s surprise fades into a reassuring smile. “Of course.” 

He moved to sit next to Baekhyun on the floor, but Baekhyun cut him off. 

“You should sleep too...the bed’s big enough for both of us. If you don’t mind sharing,” Baekhyun said nervously. 

Chanyeol changed course immediately and settled back onto the other side of the bed, gingerly laying down next to Baekhyun. 

“I’ll wait until you fall asleep though,” Chanyeol whispered, turning onto his side to face Baekhyun. 

Baekhyun realized that he never actually let go of Chanyeol’s hand, and Chanyeol’s thumb had resumed rubbing the soothing circles. They laid opposite of one another, looking at each other through sleep-hazed eyes. Baekhyun’s breathing finally became more regular, and he dozed off again, fingers still woven with Chanyeol’s. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chanyeol is such a soft boy!! I love. More development in their characters in the next chapter!!
> 
> Thank you all for reading dears, and I love reading your comments! Let me know what you think <3
> 
> I'll also be trying my best to update weekly, so stay tuned yall


	3. Chapter 3

In the space between waking and dreaming, Baekhyun heard the clanging of metal pans and faint scratches on the hardwood floor. Barely conscious, he lazily rolled onto his side, nuzzling his face into the fluffy pillow. He fully intended on falling completely back to sleep. His dream was actually peaceful for once, and he wanted to soak up every bit of rest he possibly could while his mind was cooperating. 

  
  
  


Another crash broke the stillness. Baekhyun barely registered it, briefly thinking to himself that Kyungsoo must be getting creative with a new breakfast dish again. He would have completely drifted off again had the noise not have been followed by a shrill bark. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun opened his bleary eyes in confusion, because as far as he knew, neither Kyungsoo or Jongdae had a dog. He wiped the sleep from his eyes and sat up, disoriented. 

  
  
  


This was not his bedroom. And if this wasn’t his bedroom…

  
  
  


Baekhyun slowly realized that what he thought was a dream actually happened. He really did meet a man named Chanyeol and a small black ball of fluff named Toben. Chanyeol really did take care of him. He really did fall asleep in Chanyeol’s bed. He really did fall asleep _holding hands_ with Chanyeol. 

  
  
  


Blushing, Baekhyun turned to the nightstand on his side. The clock read 11:30AM. He’d slept for nearly 8 hours, longer than he had in months—even since before his ex left. 

  
  
  


Though his body was lethargic and sore, Baekhyun dragged himself out of the warm blankets and into the bathroom. As he splashed water on his face, he noticed that though the bruises on his hands barely even formed, the bags under his eyes remained. He still looked like a member of the walking dead. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun made his way to the kitchen, the clanking of dishware growing louder with every step. Suddenly Baekhyun felt shy, and didn’t know how to approach the kind stranger. He stayed in the hallway, using the corner of the wall to hide himself as he peered around the corner into the kitchen. 

  
  
  


It was a mess. Mixing bowls and pans were scattered all over the counters, all containing some sort of batter. A bag of chocolate chips had fallen over, its contents strewn all over the counter. A half empty container of strawberries sat next to an unused bowl of batter, which suspiciously looked as though Chanyeol had attempted to add _whole_ strawberries into the uncooked mix before he gave up entirely on the idea. Two recipe books were open next to the stove, where a very concentrated Chanyeol pored over them.

  
  
  


Chanyeol himself was the most amusing part, in Baekhyun’s opinion. The man had batter all over his face since he kept touching it absentmindedly in his concentration. As he raised his hand to his face every few seconds, the mixing spoon he held flung even more of the mix not only onto the stovetop, but also down to the floor where a very eager (and equally batter-covered) Toben waited. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun, forgetting that he was hiding, let out a soft chuckle as he took in the full sight in front of him. Chanyeol jumped in surprise before his lips stretched into a wide smile.

  
  
  


“Good, you’re awake! I didn’t know what you’d like, so I figured pancakes were the best bet. But then I didn’t know what type of things you liked in your pancakes so I just did a little bit of everything and might’ve gotten carried away,” Chanyeol babbled sheepishly, reaching up to rub the nape of his neck and smearing even more pancake batter onto himself in the process. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun’s laughter faltered when his eyes met Chanyeol’s as he remembered that the man had seen him through one of the worst nights of his life. Chanyeol didn’t only talk him down—he witnessed one of the worst panic attacks he’s ever had AND saw him have a nightmare. All during the same night. And they barely know anything about each other.

  
  
  


Chanyeol noticed Baekhyun’s demeanor shift, how he suddenly seemed much more uneasy than a few seconds ago. He wanted to break the tension, maybe by telling him a joke about how bad the strawberry pancake batter turned out, but Toben beat him to it. The puppy joyfully ran over to Baekhyun and began jumping up on his legs. 

  
  
  


“He likes you, I think he wants some pets,” Chanyeol laughed as he turned off the stove and wiped the batter off his face. 

  
  


  
Baekhyun knelt down quietly and stroked Toben’s fur, gently wiping away the pancake batter stuck on his ears. As Baekhyun began petting him, the puppy instantly quieted down and stopped jumping. He just looked at Baekhyun, his fluffy tail wagging softly behind him as he sat patiently on the floor. Chanyeol, who just finished plating the sloppily made chocolate chip pancakes, glanced at the pair in the entryway curiously.

  
  
  


“Toben usually has energy 24/7 but he’s really calm around you,” Chanyeol mused, his eyebrows furrowed slightly. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun gave Toben a small smile as the puppy appreciatively licked the batter off his hand. 

  
  
  


“Come, breakfast is ready,” Chanyeol said, extending his hand to help Baekhyun stand. 

  
  
  


Chanyeol led him around into the living room to a set of barstools at a breakfast bar. The stools sat in front of a black marble counter that stretched through where the wall would have been into the kitchen, stopping just in front of the sink now filled to the brim with dirty dishes. In front of each seat was a plate of pancakes, all of different sizes and colors, and a small bowl of strawberries on the side. 

  
  
  


“Since I had no idea what you like I made plain pancakes and chocolate chip pancakes, and I tried to make strawberry ones but apparently that doesn’t work too well with whole strawberries,” Chanyeol said as he hopped up on the stool. “I hope you like them— dig in!”

  
  
  


Baekhyun timidly grabbed a strawberry and munched it slowly, the complete opposite of Chanyeol who had drowned his pancakes in syrup and promptly scarfed them down. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun felt awkward. The whole scene was a bit too domestic to be sharing with a stranger. Even with his nervousness churning in his stomach, Baekhyun didn’t want to hurt Chanyeol’s feelings, so he managed to eat a few bites of pancakes. 

  
  
  


The more he tried to eat, the bigger the lump in his throat became. Chanyeol’s kindness was stifling. No one acted so nicely without a motive. What did he want from Baekhyun? Why did he go so far out of his way for a total stranger? These questions spun around Baekhyun’s mind until he couldn’t take it anymore, he couldn’t help but ask.

  
  
  


“Why are you being so nice to me?” he breathed, barely above a whisper.

  
  
  


Chanyeol stopped eating and looked up at him, eyes flickering with amusement before he saw how serious Baekhyun was. Baekhyun noticed Chanyeol’s expression change instantly. He had a distant, faraway look in his eyes as he looked down at the table and said, “Because you remind me of a friend I had a long time ago.” 

  
  
  


Though Baekhyun was expecting a lot of answers to his question, that was not one of them. He sat in stunned silence until Chanyeol cleared his throat and looked back up at him, bright smile already back in place. 

  
  
  


“How are you feeling today? Did you sleep okay?” Chanyeol asked, not-so-subtly changing the subject. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun didn’t answer. Instead, his face twisted into a tight lipped grimace and he averted his eyes from Chanyeol’s gaze. 

  
  
  


“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun whispered.

  
  
  


Chanyeol’s eyes opened wide in surprise. He started to ask why, but before he could even begin to form the words, Baekhyun was already moving to the front door, more hurried apologies dripping from his lips. 

  
  
  


“I’m so, so sorry. You shouldn’t have had to deal with me and my problems and I caused so much trouble—”

  
  
  


“Baekhyun wait that’s not—”

  
  
  


“And I ruined your night and and your morning too by sleeping in so late—”

“No you didn’t—”

  
  
  


Chanyeol tried to follow Baekhyun to the entryway of the apartment, but ended up tripping over Toben. 

  
  
  


“I’m so sorry for imposing, I’m so sorry for the trouble,” Baekhyun sputtered as he hastily grabbed his shoes and coat, ignoring the words of the man following him. 

  
  
  


“Baekhyun wait!” Chanyeol called.

  
  
  


He finally got to the entryway just as Baekhyun flung open the door. The two briefly locked eyes from across the hall before both spoke at the exact same time.

  
  
  


“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t—”

  
  
  


The door slammed behind Baekhyun before Chanyeol could finish.

  
  
  


“—go.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


***********************************

  
  
  
  
  
  


“That’s it, I physically can’t look at another case,” Jongdae whined. He slumped forward onto the library table. “My eyes are burning.” 

  
  
  


“You’re the one who wants to go to law school, Dae. It’s only gonna get worse from here,” Kyungsoo replied, his eyes fixated on his laptop as he typed his research paper. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun looked up from his book just in time to see Jongdae flash Kyungsoo a pout. When his puppy eyes got no response from Kyungsoo, Jongdae reluctantly sat up and pulled out yet another legal case to brief. 

  
  
  


“It’s not my fault if legal writing is the most boring subject ever invented. No one even talks like this in real life,” Jongdae grumbled. Boring or not, he grabbed his highlighter and began reading once again. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun smiled. He always felt the most comfortable around his two best friends, even if all they were doing was studying for their upcoming midterms at their usual table in the university library. They followed the same routine every exam season. Kyungsoo, the diligent sociology major, would drag the other two to the library almost every night and insist they all study together for “increased productivity” and “to motivate each other.” Jongdae, an enthusiastic but dramatic pre-law major, would work for about an hour before giving up entirely, choosing instead to browse the internet or chatter about the latest gossip. Baekhyun—well, Baekhyun would try his best. He’d read and analyze as many of the novels his literature professors assigned as possible before he inevitably dozed off, resting his head in his arms until Kyungsoo gently woke him a few hours later as they left to walk home. 

  
  
  


That night was no different. Baekhyun, proud of himself for staying awake for the whole first hour of their study session, refocused his gaze on his book only to find that he’d read an entire chapter without retaining anything. Sighing, he turned back to the last paragraph he remembered, trying to at least make it through the assigned reading.

  
  
  


Baekhyun’s attempt was futile. His mind opted to wander through his memories rather than absorb the words on the page. After his sixth try rereading the same sentence, Baekhyun realized he simply wasn’t going to get anything done. He gave up, allowing his eyes to close and his thoughts to drift back, yet again, to the morning he’d run away from Chanyeol’s apartment.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Three Days Earlier**

  
  
  


Baekhyun sprinted. He didn’t stop running. Couldn’t stop. 

  
  
  


He weaved through the Saturday morning traffic, rushing past the pedestrians flooding the sidewalks, ignoring the burning of his lungs and the aching of his legs. He heard nothing but the blood thundering in his ears, felt nothing but the hard concrete beneath his feet. 

  
  
  


_Keep going._

  
  
  


If he kept going, maybe he’d outrun the surging anxiety brewing in his stomach. Maybe he’d be able to escape the clawing guilt, the suffocating embarrassment. 

  
  
  


He only stopped when he came face to face with his front door. He’d practically run halfway across the city. 

  
  
  


Inside, an out-of-breath Baekhyun found a frantic Kyungsoo pacing around their living room. Kyungsoo rushed to the door as soon as he spotted Baekhyun.

  
  
  


“Where were you?? I’ve been calling you for the past hour! Are you okay?” Kyungsoo said worriedly. “And why are you in shorts? Where are your clothes?”

  
  
  


Baekhyun, chest still heaving, didn’t answer. Didn’t even register his words. 

  
  
  


Kyungsoo was in mid-sentence when Baekhyun wordlessly closed the short distance between them and embraced Kyungsoo tightly, burying his face into the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck. 

  
  
  


Kyungsoo’s eyes widened in surprise, shocked by his friend’s sudden affection. He hesitantly returned the hug, concern for Baekhyun growing by the second. “Baek? Are you okay?”

  
  
  


The unadulterated caring in Kyungsoo’s voice made Baekhyun’s eyes sting. He squeezed them shut to keep any stray tears from falling, and squeezed Kyungsoo just a bit tighter before he let go. 

  
  
  


“I’m fine, Soo.”

  
  
  


Kyungsoo’s eyebrows furrowed. “You don’t seem fine. You were out all night. What happened, Baek?”

  
  
  


He averted his eyes from Kyungsoo’s questioning gaze. “I’m fine. I’m just gonna go to my room.”

  
  
  


Baekhyun kicked off his shoes and went to move past Kyungsoo, but a hand gripping his wrist stopped him. Kyungsoo looked at him softly. “I know you’d rather be alone most of the time, but I’m here for you, okay? I’ve got your back. Always.” 

  
  
  


Baekhyun spent the rest of the day sitting in his room, staring off into space, processing what had happened the night before. Not even Kyungsoo bringing his favorite meal for dinner was able to break him from his trance. His thoughts were consumed by a certain tall man with big ears. And a considerable amount of self-loathing. How could he get such a pure soul mixed up in his problems? 

  
  
  


He couldn’t sleep that night. Or the night after. When he woke, he was always reaching for something. 

  
  
  


The bed suddenly felt too cold. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Present Day**

  
  
  
  


Baekhyun opened his eyes and squinted, the harsh fluorescence of the library’s lights overwhelming his vision for a moment. His eyes adjusted, and he refocused on his surroundings. Barely anything had changed. Kyungsoo still sat poring over his laptop, and Jongdae’s notes were still scattered all over the table even though the man himself was missing. No doubt visiting the library cafe for coffee. 

  
  
  


Both were obviously oblivious to how Baekhyun had completely spaced out for a few minutes. Or had it been more like hours? Baekhyun couldn’t tell. 

  
  
  


That’d been happening a lot recently. Though it was common for Baekhyun to lose himself to his thoughts for long stretches of time, recently all his thoughts began and ended with Chanyeol. 

  
  
  


Chanyeol, the kind stranger who saved his life. Who took him in without a second thought. Who touched him gently, who held his hand. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun couldn’t get him out of his head. Or his...eyes...apparently?

  
  
  


_Great, I’ve officially lost it. I’m seeing things now._

  
  
  


Baekhyun squinted at the far corner of the library where he saw a lanky figure with platinum blonde hair clad in sweats replacing some books on the shelves. 

  
  
  


_There’s no way that’s him. I’m hallucinating._

  
  
  


Baekhyun rubbed his face harshly, trying to wipe away the image from his retinas. When he looked up, the figure hadn’t disappeared. Instead, it was looking directly at him.

  
  
  


Eyes wide in disbelief, Baekhyun watched as the figure walked over to his table. 

  
  
  


_Oh my god it’s really him._

  
  
  


Baekhyun barely had time to pick his jaw up off the floor before Chanyeol appeared in front of him. 

  
  
  


Chanyeol cleared his throat before speaking cheerfully. “Hi Baekhyun!” 

  
  
  


The new voice got the attention of Kyungsoo, who snapped his gaze away from his laptop screen for the first time all night. He peered up at the newcomer suspiciously, as Baekhyun rarely talked with anyone but him and Jongdae.

  
  
  


Baekhyun gave Chanyeol his grimace-like smile, which Chanyeol returned with a bright grin. “I saw you while I was putting my books back. Can I talk to you for a minute?” Chanyeol asked.

  
  
  


Kyungsoo’s eyes narrowed. “Baek, who—”

  
  
  


“Don’t worry, Soo. He’s a friend,” Baekhyun interjected. “Kyungsoo, this is Chanyeol. Chanyeol, Kyungsoo.” 

  
  
  


Chanyeol chirped a hello, and Kyungsoo responded with a nod of his head and a slight frown. He definitely had questions. Baekhyun decided to deal with that later. 

  
  
  


“Baekhyun, we can talk over here—oh! I almost forgot. This is my friend Jongin,” Chanyeol said, gesturing for the man behind him to come forward. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun and Kyungsoo exchanged a puzzled glance. They hadn’t even noticed the man shyly standing behind Chanyeol the entire time. 

  
  
  


Jongin sheepishly waved at them with a small smile as Chanyeol led Baekhyun away to the bookshelves to talk, leaving Jongin and Kyungsoo alone. Kyungsoo, unbothered, went back to typing his paper. 

  
  
  


A few minutes later, Kyungsoo was in the middle of typing a sentence when he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Like he was being watched. 

  
  
  


Sure enough, when he raised his eyes, he was met with the curious stare of the newcomer. Jongin was still standing in the same spot as when Chanyeol left him, and he was _staring_ at Kyungsoo. Not in an angry way; he seemed to be studying Kyungsoo. While his general expression was neutral and aloof, his eyes had a glint of fascination. Kyungsoo grew uneasy under his gaze. The uncomfortable eye contact wasn’t helping anything, either. 

  
  
  


_Maybe I have something on my face?_ Kyungsoo thought. 

  
  
  


Confused, Kyungsoo opened up his phone’s front camera. When everything seemed normal with his appearance, he decided to ignore the watchful eyes and continue working. He never was one for small talk anyways. 

  
  
  


Except now he couldn’t remember what he was about to write next. He tried to pick up where he left off, but every time he approached a productive thought, his eyes would flicker back up to Jongin and he’d lose it again. Jongin’s gaze never left Kyungsoo. 

  
  
  


_Seriously, does the guy even blink?_

  
  
  


Even with how exasperated he was by the sudden writer’s block, Kyungsoo couldn’t help but peek at the man standing before him. This was how he found himself making awkward eye contact with Jongin about once every ten seconds, suddenly fascinated himself with the appearance of the other. 

  
  
  


Kyungsoo couldn’t come up with any words to describe Jongin other than _extremely handsome._ He was dressed in a slightly oversized tan sweater and light blue jeans which complemented his tan skin. His light brown hair was swept lightly across his forehead, gently resting above his chestnut colored eyes. And Jongin was tall, much taller than Kyungsoo. So much so that Kyungsoo would probably fit snugly under his chin, perfectly in his arms—

  
  
  


_Whoa._

  
  
  


Kyungsoo blushed furiously when he realized where his thoughts had ended up, and quickly averted his eyes from Jongin’s gaze, opting to go back to work as a distraction. 

  
  
  


Jongin looked at Kyungsoo only a few moments longer, before he pulled his phone from his pocket and began scrolling. Kyungsoo breathed out a sigh of relief, grateful that the tension between them dissipated once Jongin finally looked away. They remained in silence until their friends returned, each in their own world. 

  
  
  


Neither one, however, noticed the other still sneaking glances, nor the blush painting both sets of cheeks. 

  
  
  
  
  


***********************************

  
  
  
  
  
  


“What did you want to talk about?” Baekhyun asked once he and Chanyeol were alone in a rarely-visited aisle of the library. 

  
  
  


Chanyeol’s seemingly ever-present smile faltered. He looked at Baekhyun hesitantly. “I just wanted to apologize for the other night—”

  
  
  


“You have nothing to be sorry for.” 

  
  
  


“I do though, I overstepped, and I’m sorry if you felt uncomfort—”

  
  
  


Baekhyun impulsively cut him off, but rather than using words, Baekhyun interrupted Chanyeol with a tight hug. 

  
  
  


“You saved my life. Thank you,” Baekhyun whispered. 

  
  
  


Chanyeol was expecting a lot of different reactions to his apology, but this was not one of them. Maybe some yelling, maybe Baekhyun running away, but a hug? Chanyeol was stunned. Happy, but stunned.

  
  
After getting over his initial shock, Chanyeol laced his arms around Baekhyun to reciprocate his embrace. “You don’t have to run away from me,” Chanyeol said, his small smile already back in place.

  
  
  


Baekhyun lightly backed out of Chanyeol’s arms. “I was just embarrassed…” Baekhyun trailed off, looking at anywhere but Chanyeol.

  
  
  


Chanyeol took his hand, rubbing the same soothing circles that brought him peace three nights earlier. That small gesture gave Baekhyun the strength to continue speaking.

  
  
  


“That night was...one of the lowest points of my life. You even saw one of the nightmares, and I just freaked out and ran because I felt….feel so guilty for imposing on you and making you put up with me, especially at my worst…” Baekhyun kept his gaze on the dark blue carpeting of the library floor, afraid of the pitying stare he might receive should he meet Chanyeol’s eyes. 

  
  
  


Both of Baekhyun’s hands were swiftly encased in Chanyeol’s, who held them like Baekhyun was the most precious thing he’d ever touched.

  
  
  


“You have nothing to be guilty for. If given the choice to go back and redo it, I’d do it all again.” 

  
  
  


Baekhyun looked up from the floor. Instead of the pitiful look he was expecting to see, he found Chanyeol’s eyes swimming with affection. 

  
  
  


For the first time in a long time, Baekhyun genuinely smiled. Then, he realized something.

  
  
  


“Wait...what are you even doing here? In this library?” Baekhyun asked.

  
  
  


Chanyeol laughed. “I could ask you the same thing. I’m an education major here. You?” 

  
  
  


“Literature major...small world,” Baekhyun chuckled. 

  
  
  


The two looked at one another in amusement. Who would’ve thought they’d meet again, at the same university of all places?

  
  
  


“Could we maybe...be friends?” 

  
  
  


Though Baekhyun was surprised by the sudden straightforward question, he didn’t show it. He nodded without so much as a second thought. 

  
  
  


Chanyeol grinned in response. “Here, give me your phone.”

  
  
  


Baekhyun handed Chanyeol his cell phone and watched as he added his number to Baekhyun’s contacts. When Baekhyun got his phone back, a new name was shining up at him on the screen: _Yeol :)_

  
  
  


“Text me, okay?” Chanyeol said. “I should go grab Jongin, he’s always really shy around new people.” 

  
  
  


Baekhyun followed after Chanyeol, returning back to his study table. 

  
  
  


With a quick wave goodbye to Kyungsoo and Baekhyun, Chanyeol grabbed Jongin’s arm and the pair left the library, holding the door open for Jongdae on their way out. 

  
  
  


Jongdae, completely unaware of the effect the pair passing him had on his friends in the time since he was gone, sauntered over to their table. He placed a cup of coffee in front of Kyungsoo and a cup of tea beside Baekhyun before taking a huge gulp of his own coffee and launching into the newest gossip stories he heard while waiting in line at the cafe. 

  
  
  


Unbeknownst to him, neither of his friends were listening: Baekhyun alternated between staring at the library doors and the new contact in his phone, still shell-shocked by the interaction, while Kyungsoo desperately hoped no one would notice his scarlet cheeks. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


***********************************

  
  
  
  
  


Unfortunately for Baekhyun, Kyungsoo snapped out of his stupor quickly and immediately demanded an explanation for what had transpired with Chanyeol. (Much to the chagrin of Jongdae, who was in the middle of telling what he thought was a juicy story. He pouted.) 

  
  
  


Kyungsoo’s eyes were analyzing Baekhyun, sharply looking at him in a manner that read _I’ll know if you bullshit me_. Baekhyun sighed. There was no lying his way out of this one. He had to tell them what happened. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun told them how he and Chanyeol had met three nights ago, even the details from the bridge and how Chanyeol talked him down. How Chanyeol took care of him, consoled him through his nightmares, and made him breakfast. How he ran away from Chanyeol the next morning. How the conversation he and Chanyeol just shared in the library might’ve resulted in him making a new friend. 

  
  
  


As ashamed as Baekhyun was of having to explain what happened, that he was even thinking of jumping to begin with and that his condition was not improving, he felt better now that he was telling his closest friends what happened. A weight was lifted off his chest. 

  
  
  


During his explanation, Jongdae, for once, was not smiling and joking. He sat solemnly, somberly listening. Kyungsoo’s sharp gaze had softened, his eyes welled up with tears that threatened to spill over. 

  
  
  


At the end of his story, Kyungsoo grabbed Baekhyun’s hand tightly. 

  
  
  


“Know that we’re always here for you. We love you,” Kyungsoo said sincerely. 

  
  
  


“Yeah, you can always count on us, no matter the time or place. Even in the middle of the night,” Jongdae added.

  
  
  


“We’ve got your back, Baek. You are amazing, and so, so loved.” Kyungsoo squeezed his hand as he finished. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun’s eyes began to water and he smiled, so glad to be hearing affirmations from his friends rather than the horrible things they said in his nightmares. “Thank you both. I love you too, and I promise I’m okay for now.”

  
  
  


The trio looked at one another through their misty eyes, basking peacefully in the comfortable silence, feeling grateful for one another.

  
  
  


At least, until Jongdae broke the tension in the most Jongdae way possible. “Well, he was hot. You should totally text him.”

  
  
  


Baekhyun laughed, and laughed even harder when Kyungsoo started swatting Jongdae with a rolled up folder for “ruining the moment.” 

  
  
  


Once Jongdae scampered away from Kyungsoo’s wrath by hiding behind a nearby pillar, Kyungsoo turned his attention back to Baekhyun. 

  
  
  


“Dae _is_ right, you know. You should text him.”

  
  
  


“But I don’t want to bother him,” Baekhyun pouted.

  
  
  


“He literally put his number in your phone and told you to text him. I don’t know how much more obvious it could be that he wants to hear from you,” Kyungsoo replied, rolling his eyes.

  
  
  


“But—”

  
  
  


“No buts! At least not on the first date,” Jongdae quipped with a wink before dashing behind the pillar to avoid Kyungsoo’s impending swats. 

  
  
  


Kyungsoo rolled his eyes again. “Come on, you two. It’s late, we can talk about this on the way home.”

  
  
  


Luckily, their apartment was only a short walk away from the university campus. Unluckily for Baekhyun, Kyungsoo and Jongdae used the entire walk to pester him into texting Chanyeol that night. He only relented after hearing Jongdae beg “ _please please please”_ over and over again for at least five minutes. There was only so much he could take.

  
  
  


After promising the other two that he would, in fact, text Chanyeol before going to bed, Baekhyun shut himself in his room, glad that the persistently chatty Jongdae was finally out of his earshot for the evening. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun debated on what to text Chanyeol the entire time he was getting ready for bed. He must’ve drafted dozens of potential icebreakers in his head before he finally flopped onto his bed and hit send. 

  
  
  
  


**23:45 Baekhyun:** _hey, it’s baekhyun_

  
  
  
  


Baekhyun cringed and rolled over onto his stomach, burying his face into his pillow. How much lamer could he have made that? What if Chanyeol doesn’t even respond?

  
  
  


Not even a minute later, Baekhyun was pulled out of his spiral by the sound of his phone vibrating with a new message.

  
  
  


**23:46 Yeol :)** : _hey! how’s studying going?_

  
  
  
  


Was it too desperate of him to text back immediately? Baekhyun shook his head, shaking away the paranoid thoughts.

  
  
  
  


**23:47 Baekhyun:** _we left a while ago, we’re all home now_

**23:47 Yeol :):** _that’s good, being in the library late at night is creepy anyways_

**23:48 Yeol :):** _what’re you up to now?_

  
  
  
  


Baekhyun smiled. He swore he’d smiled more in the past few hours than he has in months. 

  
  
  
  


**23:49 Baekhyun:** _just laying in bed, nothing exciting. what about you?_

**23:53 Yeol :):** _working on a midterm project that’s due tomorrow_

**23:53 Yeol :):** _i know, i know it’s last minute but i focus better at night_

**23:54 Baekhyun:** _you won’t get any judgment from me, i do most of my homework at night too_

**23:54 Baekhyun:** _i just finished most of mine early this week since soo’s been dragging us to the library_

**23:57 Yeol :):** _awww that’s cute that you all study together_

**23:58 Yeol :):** _what do you like most about literature?_

  
  
  
  


They texted for nearly two hours, talking about the most mundane things. Originally they talked about schoolwork, how Chanyeol wanted to be an elementary school teacher and how Baekhyun hoped to write in the future, but the conversation eventually spun out into some random topics. Like debating who the best Avenger was, and whether they thought squirrels from different continents could talk to one another or if they each had their own languages. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun fell asleep that night holding his phone, a smile on his face. 

  
  
  
  
  


***********************************

  
  
  
  
  


The next day, both Kyungsoo and Jongdae had meetings during their usual lunch break. Jongdae had to meet with his legal writing professor to clarify something about his midterm assignment, and Kyungsoo was leading the sociology study group that week. Baekhyun didn’t mind eating alone, but sometimes being by himself for too long caused his mind to run wild. 

  
  
  


No sooner than Baekhyun had sat down to eat did the thoughts start to creep in. 

  
  
  


_What if Kyungsoo and Jongdae lied about their meetings so they didn’t have to sit with you?_

  
  
  


_What if they’re out having fun together without you?_

  
  
  


_After all, you’re no fun. You only bring them down._

  
  
  


_All the things they said yesterday could’ve easily been lies. It’s not the first time someone lied about loving you and you believed it._

  
  
  


_You’re unlovable Baekhyun._

  
  
  


_Baek_ hyun.”

  
  
  


“Baekhyun?”

  
  
  


He was shaken from his reverie by the sound of his name. Chanyeol stood before him, for once not wearing sweats, carrying his own tray of food. 

  
  
  


“Can I sit here?” 

  
  
  


Baekhyun nodded slowly, still trying to pull himself free of the cloud of negativity looming over him.

  
  
  


Chanyeol eagerly sat down across from him and began eating. Thankfully he also began talking, because Baekhyun was prone to allowing awkward silences to permeate to the point of being suffocating. 

  
  
  


“So what type of music do you listen to?” Chanyeol asked him in between bites.

  
  
  


“Um... usually just mellow stuff. A lot of indie music, mostly R&B. Maybe some pop music, depending on how it sounds,” Baekhyun mused, as he finally began eating.

  
  
  


Chanyeol’s eyes bulged. “Same! I love slow, chill music. Especially during autumn. Something about it reminds me of the seasons changing.” 

  
  
  


_How is literally everything about him so endearing,_ Baekhyun thought.

  
  
  


“So we have similar tastes in music, but definitely not similar tastes in furniture,” Baekhyun teased.

  
  
  


“Hey my furniture is charming!” Chanyeol whined, lips pouting at Baekhyun who only chuckled in response.

  
  
  


“Your television stand is literally a table three times too big for it.”

  
  
  


“It’s thrifted! I get most of my furniture from thrift shops,” Chanyeol explained. Baekhyun looked at him quizzically. 

  
  
  


Chanyeol’s jaw dropped. “Wait, have you never been to a thrift store?”

  
  
  


“I have, just not one that sells the kind of furniture you’ve gotten from them.”

  
  
  


“Then we definitely HAVE to go! I’ve got to show you my favorite store!” Chanyeol exclaimed. The man was practically vibrating with enthusiasm. Baekhyun couldn’t help but smile and agree when the other was being so adorable. His eyes were literally shining with excitement. 

  
  
  


“It’s nice to see you smile. And laugh. Your laugh is really nice.”

  
  
  


Baekhyun blushed, caught off guard by the sudden complement. Thankfully Chanyeol didn’t linger. Instead of waiting for a response from Baekhyun he disposed of their finished meals before coming back to their table to grab his backpack. 

  
  
  


“When’s your next class?” he asked Baekhyun as he gathered his things.

  
  
  


“Oh, it’s uh—” he paused for a moment to glance at his watch. “—in around 15 minutes actually.”

  
  
  


“Me too! Where?”

  
  
  


“The humanities building.”

  
  
  


“Cool, we can walk together to class then! Mine’s in the same building,” Chanyeol beamed as the pair walked out of the university cafeteria. 

  
  
  


Chanyeol walked Baekhyun all the way to the door of his classroom, conversation flowing easily between the two during the whole walk over. He lingered by the door talking to Baekhyun long enough to almost make him late to his own class. Dashing down the hallway, Chanyeol turned back to wave cheerily to Baekhyun before disappearing up the stairwell. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun didn’t learn much in his class that day. Instead of being confused by the obscure metaphors of the novel his professor discussed, Baekhyun spent class confused by how things feel so much easier around Chanyeol. 

  
  
  


He was so lost in thought that he didn’t even realize that he hadn’t had a single negative thought since the moment Chanyeol sat down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: i'm going to update weekly  
> me: disappears for like three weeks
> 
> I'm so sorry it took so long to get this chapter posted. I hope you enjoyed it! We finally met Jongin, and I promise he's not creepy. Next chapter will have the first kaisoo interlude! Brace yourself for the fluff, because that's all there's gonna be for them. No kaisoo angst here. 
> 
> Also for those of you who might've been curious: yes, Chanyeol DID try to make the strawberry pancakes by putting whole, uncut strawberries directly into the bowl of pancake batter. The recipe books he was reading only had a blueberry pancakes recipe, so he substituted strawberries, and the recipe said to add the whole blueberries into the batter. You can see the flaw in the poor boy's logic. Such a sweetie. 
> 
> Much love to you all, and make sure you're taking care of yourselves <3 
> 
> See you next time!


	4. Chapter 4

The next week passed quickly. Baekhyun texted Chanyeol almost constantly, their conversations ranging from trivial thoughts that popped into their heads to the meaning of life. 

  
  
  


One of Baekhyun’s favorite exchanges was about their favorite movies. Chanyeol mentioned that he loved animated and superhero movies the most, while Baekhyun preferred dramatic films or true crime documentaries, much to Chanyeol’s dismay. He ranted for almost half an hour about how “unacceptable” it was that Baekhyun had never seen a Pixar movie before, and how Disney had been the height of cinema for almost a hundred years. Baekhyun smiled so much reading those texts that his cheeks started to hurt. Baekhyun had reread that conversation countless times, not that he’d ever admit it, just to smile and laugh at how utterly adorable Chanyeol was as he passionately defended his animated movies to a non-believer like him. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun was curled up on his apartment’s couch in the middle of rereading that conversation yet again when he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

  
  
  


“The movie just finished, I’m going to bed. You okay?” Kyungsoo looked down at him with a small smile from where he stood next to the couch. 

  
  
  


“Yeah...I’m good,” Baekhyun answered, a little disoriented. He still had a ghost of a smile gracing his cheeks from the texts he’d been paying attention to rather than watching the movie with Kyungsoo and Jongdae. He hadn’t even noticed it ended. 

  
  
  


Kyungsoo nodded. “Night, Baek. Try to get some sleep,” Kyungsoo said on his way to his bedroom.

  
  
  


Sleep. Now that was something Baekhyun wasn’t looking forward to. He’d had a particularly vivid nightmare the night before, and wasn’t keen on the possibility of reliving it again so soon. Unluckily for him, his two best distractions had already gone to bed for the evening. 

  
  
  


_It’s barely 21:30. I wish they’d stayed up later._

  
  
  


Baekhyun flopped over onto his back and splayed out on the couch. He turned his attention back to his cell phone and downloaded a few mindless games to help pass the time, trying to delay falling asleep for as long as possible. 

  
  
  


After beating an entire game, Baekhyun checked the time again.

  
  
  


_How is it only 22:00??_

  
  
  


Baekhyun tossed his phone onto the nearby cushion with a groan. How was time passing so slowly? He looked around for something to do, anything to take his mind off how much he didn’t want to sleep. 

  
  
  


His surroundings came up short. Nothing of interest to be found, not even the television. After not sleeping regularly for six months, Baekhyun had already binge watched everything worth seeing. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun’s eyes fell on his phone once more. 

  
  
  
  


**10:07 Baekhyun:** _hey, you still awake?_

  
  
  
  


Not even ten seconds later, Baekhyun’s phone began vibrating in his hand. He stared at the screen in surprise. 

  
  
  
  


**_Incoming call: Yeol :)_ **

  
  
  
  


Why was Chanyeol calling him? They’d never talked on the phone before, only texting. Baekhyun answered quickly. 

  
  
  


“Hello?”

  
  
  


“Baek, hey! Sorry for calling suddenly, I’m writing a paper and can’t look away from the screen to text very often but I can multitask with typing and talking,” Chanyeol chattered. Baekhyun could hear the quick clacking of keys in the background. 

  
  
  


“Oh, it’s okay, I don’t want to distract you from your work, we can talk later,” Baekhyun said worriedly, immediately stressed by the idea that he interrupted Chanyeol and was wasting his time.

  
  
  


“No no no you’re fine! I could use the company. I’ve sorta been locked in my room all day writing.”

  
  
  


“Why don’t you take a break? Finish tomorrow? You sound tired.”

  
  
  


“Well, it’s kinda due at midnight…” Chanyeol trailed off sheepishly. Before Baekhyun could reply with something about how he’d only be a distraction, Chanyeol hurriedly continued. “Don’t worry though, I’m over halfway done! Plus the hard part was all the research from earlier.”

  
  
  


“Wait, you mean you did all the research for the paper the day it was due?”

  
  
  


The line went silent for a moment before Chanyeol answered, his smile audible in his voice. “......yeah……”

  
  
  


Baekhyun laughed, and Chanyeol went back to typing. After confirming with Chanyeol again (several times) that he was not distracted by Baekhyun talking with him about completely irrelevant topics, the conversation flowed naturally. Before Baekhyun knew it, the clock read 23:45. 

  
  
  


“Come on, how do you not like Iron Man? He’s the coolest!” Chanyeol pouted.

  
  
  


Baekhyun rolled his eyes. “He’s a narcissistic rich jerk, I prefer someone like Black Widow.” 

  
  
  


“Okay, I won’t ever talk badly about Agent Romanoff, she’s amazing too but nothing compares to how cool the Iron Man suit is. He can literally fly!”

  
  
  


Baekhyun laughed at how passionately Chanyeol preached about the virtues of Tony Stark. After Chanyeol ranted a bit more, they agreed to disagree, since Baekhyun stubbornly refused to change his stance. 

  
  
  


They fell into a comfortable silence for a few minutes, Baekhyun enjoying the calming rhythmic sounds of Chanyeol’s typing. 

  
  
  


“And...submit! I’m done, finally. That took forever. What time is it even?” Chanyeol paused for a moment. “Already 00:00? Damn, I haven’t eaten since this morning.”

  
  
  


Baekhyun hummed. “You should go eat something, I’ll talk to you tomor—”

  
  
  


“How do you feel about pizza?”

  
  
  


Baekhyun blinked. That hadn’t been what he was expecting. “Um, I like it? Why?”

  
  
  


“Up for some late night food? I know a pizza place that’s open all night and it’s seriously the best.” 

  
  
  


“Sure,” Baekhyun said, smiling.

  
  
  


“Cool, I always wanted to go with a friend! I hate eating alone.”

  
  
  


“Text me the address?”

  
  
  


“Yeah, see you soon!”

  
  
  


Baekhyun was out the door before they even ended the call. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**********************

  
  
  
  
  


Twenty minutes later, Baekhyun found himself standing in front of a small pizza shop on the corner of a narrow street. 

  
  
  


_Did I go to the right address?_ Baekhyun thought with a twinge of anxiety. Baekhyun looked around. No sign of Chanyeol. 

  
  
  


No sign of anyone, in fact. The street was absolutely deserted and completely dark aside from the pale yellow light emanating from the restaurant windows. 

  
  
  


_It was a trick._

  
  
  


_Why would he want to see you?_

  
  
  


Baekhyun felt his breathing getting shallower, faster. He dug his nails into his palms, a futile attempt to ground himself

  
  
  


_God, you’re so stupid, believing someone would actually care about you._

  
  
  


He was shaking now, like the leaves on the nearby trees rustling in the autumn wind. His vision blurred.

  
  
  


_Why would he care? You’re worthless._

  
  
  


Despite the cold, Baekhyun was sweating. He couldn’t breathe. 

  
  
  


_Forgettable._

  
  
  


He couldn’t breathe, he was going to die. 

  
  
  


_Unlove_ —

  
  
  


“Hey Baek!” Chanyeol chirped as he materialized at Baekhyun’s side, effectively (albeit unknowingly) cutting off his internal panic-fueled monologue. 

  
  
  


“H-hi,” Baekhyun choked out, still not fully in control of his breathing. Chanyeol’s eyes flashed with concern, but he didn’t press: he simply pulled Baekhyun in for a quick hug. 

  
  
  


“It’s good to see you,” Chanyeol said. With those words, Baekhyun’s whole body instantly relaxed. Chanyeol wasn’t lying to him about meeting up to try and trick him. Chanyeol cared about him. Chanyeol was there, with his arms around him, proving that he cared.

  
  
  


That reassurance was enough that, when they pulled away from one another, Baekhyun was breathing somewhat normally again. The only lingering evidence of his panic attack was the trembling of his limbs. He hoped the shaking wouldn’t be evident in his voice—he didn’t want to bother Chanyeol by explaining what just happened. Or why. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun cleared his throat and mustered up a smile. “It’s good to see you too, Yeol.” 

  
  
  


The wide grin he got in return gave Baekhyun butterflies. Never one to dwell, Chanyeol excitedly grabbed Baekhyun’s wrist and started pulling him towards the shop.

  
  
  


“I hope you’re hungry, because this pizza is the BEST!” Chanyeol exclaimed as they entered. The shop was small but cozy. The room was lined with rustic wooden booths, and its pale yellow walls were decorated with framed pictures of various Italian markets. 

  
  
  


Since no other late night customers were there, the shop would’ve been completely quiet, had a small bell attached to the door not rung out to signal their entrance. A man quickly emerged from the back room, dusting his flour-covered hands off on his apron. When he looked up to Chanyeol and Baekhyun, a bright smile immediately appeared on his face. 

  
  
  


“Chanyeol! Welcome back, son, what can I get you and your friend?” the man said.

  
  
  


“We’ll have a large half-Hawaiian half...pepperoni?” Chanyeol hesitated and looked at Baekhyun for approval. Baekhyun nodded. Pepperoni had always been his favorite. “Yeah a half-Hawaiian half-pepperoni, please.” 

  
  
  


“Sure, it’ll be ready in about ten minutes. Take a seat anywhere, boys, I’ll bring it over to you when it’s done.” The man hurried off to make their pizza, humming to himself as he worked.

  
  
  


Chanyeol guided Baekhyun over to a small booth in the corner of the shop. They slid into their seats, both grateful to rest their legs after the walk over. 

  
  
  


“So, I guess you’re a regular here?” Baekhyun asked, amused that the shopkeeper knew Chanyeol by name. 

  
  
  


“Yeah, I’ve been coming here for years, either by myself or with Jongin. It’s one of the only places with good food that’s open late enough to accommodate my weird sleep schedule.” As he spoke, Chanyeol gestured to a small spot on the yellow wall, partially obstructed by the napkin dispenser. There was tiny script that read:

  
  


**CHANYEOL**

**2018**

  
  


“What made you put your name here, specifically?” Baekhyun asked, lightly tracing his fingers over the writing. 

  
  
  


Chanyeol shrugged and ran his fingers through his hair. “It just felt right at the time. Proof that I was here. That I existed, or something.” Chanyeol laughed, before continuing. “It sounds weird saying it out loud.” 

  
  
  


“No, it’s not weird. I get it,” Baekhyun said. He wished he had something, anything, that he could call his own from his past. Something that’d stake his claim to the world. But he didn’t. For years, he poured everything he had into those around him, only to wind up used and empty at the end. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun’s breath hitched as he met Chanyeol’s gaze. Chanyeol’s eyes brimmed with affection, a soft smile graced his lips. Baekhyun found himself struggling to breathe once again. Not from anxiety, but from the sudden electricity in the air between the two of them.

  
  
  


For a few long seconds, they simply looked at one another, an exchange of visceral understanding. An infinite moment, one soul recognizing another in a way words cannot describe. 

  
  
  


A hand gingerly setting a pizza between them broke the tension. Flustered, both immediately averted their eyes. Chanyeol began thanking the man and Baekhyun became _very_ interested in the marks on the table.

  
  
  


“Enjoy your meal, Chanyeol and….” the man trailed off, clearly waiting for Baekhyun to introduce himself. 

  
  
  


“Baekhyun,” he said with a small smile. “Thank you.” 

  
  
  


Satisfied with having received his second customer’s name, the man grinned. “Chanyeol and Baekhyun. See you both again soon, yes?” 

  
  
  


With a wave, the man scurried to the back room, leaving the pair alone once again. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun turned back to Chanyeol, who was practically drooling over the pizza in front of him. 

  
  
  


“Okay, I have to say it,” Baekhyun said suddenly. 

  
  
  


Chanyeol tore his gaze away from the food and looked at him with a confused expression.

  
  
  


“How could you order a Hawaiian pizza?” Baekhyun teased. “Pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza.” 

  
  
  


Chanyeol’s jaw dropped open. He looked absolutely scandalized. “How can you say that, pineapple is the best topping!”

  
  
  


Baekhyun rolled his eyes. “It’s a fruit, why would I want to eat it warm? Gross.”

  
  
  


Chanyeol’s eyes bulged. “Wait, so you haven’t even tried it before?”

  
  
  


“Nope. And I won’t.”

  
  
  


Chanyeol’s pout could have rivaled Jongdae’s. “Please just try it, I promise you’ll like it.” 

  
  
  


Baekhyun helped himself to a slice of pepperoni. “I’ll stick with my traditional toppings, thank you.” 

  
  
  


For the next ten minutes, Chanyeol tried every trick in the book trying to get Baekhyun to eat a bite of Hawaiian pizza. Pouting, puppy eyes, he did it all. Eventually, Baekhyun found himself cornered between the wall and a very enthusiastic Chanyeol, who’d slipped into Baekhyun’s side of the booth and proceeded to zoom a slice of Hawaiian pizza around Baekhyun’s face like an airplane. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun sighed. There was no way he was getting out of this. 

  
  
  


“Fine, fine! You win, I’ll try it,” Baekhyun conceded. Chanyeol stopped his airplane charade and eagerly held the slice up to Baekhyun’s mouth.

  
  
  


Baekhyun studied the pizza, trying to find a way to “try” it without actually ever having to taste the pineapple. Just as he was about to take the smallest bite he could, Chanyeol interjected. 

  
  
  


“You have to take a bite with all the toppings on it. Otherwise it doesn’t count!” 

  
  
  


It was Baekhyun’s turn to pout. He huffed, a little annoyed that his plan was foiled so quickly. 

  
  
  


“Come on Baek, before it gets cold.” Chanyeol nudged the pizza closer to his lips. 

  
  
  


_Well, let’s get this over with,_ Baekhyun thought. He squeezed his eyes shut and nervously took a bite.

  
  
  


As he chewed, his eyes flew open in surprise. Chanyeol was right. It _was_ good. 

  
  
  


Chanyeol’s “I told you so’s” and smug expression earned him a few smacks on the shoulder. The teasing soon devolved into laughter when Baekhyun stole Chanyeol’s entire slice and devoured it without a second thought. 

  
  
  


That night, the pair stayed in the booth for hours, swapping stories and sharing laughs. Baekhyun swore he hadn’t smiled that much in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any excuse to defend pineapple on pizza, i will take.
> 
> thank you all so much for reading!! and thank you for your sweet comments, i absolutely love reading them <3
> 
> i'll be posting the first kaisoo interlude later today or tomorrow, so be on the lookout for that! 
> 
> be well, much love <3


	5. Kaisoo Interlude 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOUBLE UPDATE
> 
> I updated twice today so make sure to go back and read the previous chapter if you haven't already!
> 
> this chapter is one of a few kaisoo-centered chapters!  
> if this isn't your thing, feel free to skip, it won't be totally necessary for the plot of the rest of the story.

Kyungsoo liked to think of himself as a well-rounded person. He’s organized (everything from his clothes to his school notes are color-coded); he’s respectful (known to elbow Baekhyun and Jongdae when they forget to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’); and he’s logical (always thinking before acting). 

  
  
  


He knew he wasn’t a saint either, totally aware of some of his vices as well. He could be very competitive, evidenced by some particularly rough games of Monopoly at their family game nights; a little uptight; and sometimes quiet when he finds himself outside his comfort zone. 

  
  
  


Overall, Kyungsoo was many things. But distracted? Never. He prided himself on his ability to focus in just about any situation. Always attentive, always listening, always productive when he intends to be. 

  
  
  


And yet, for what felt like the thousandth time that week, Kyungsoo found his head swimming with thoughts of one Kim Jongin. 

  
  
  


Ever since their encounter in the library three days ago, Kyungsoo couldn’t get Jongin out of his head. The two hadn’t even exchanged more than a few words. Hell, Jongin hadn’t even spoken to him at all, yet Kyungsoo was left reeling from the mere memory of Jongin’s gaze washing over him. 

  
  
  


The memories drifted into even the most mundane parts of his day. He couldn’t even brush his teeth in peace. 

  
  
  


At first, the logical side of him tried to spin out countless excuses for his preoccupation with the man. Maybe he hadn’t gotten enough sleep. Maybe he drank too much coffee. Maybe that thriller movie Baekhyun made him watch made him paranoid. 

  
  
  


But after three days of unrelenting distraction Kyungsoo knew deep down that the answer was simple.

  
  
  


Kyungsoo wanted to know  _ more. _

  
  
  


Wanted to know what was going on behind his chestnut colored eyes. What made him smile. Why he chose to wear oversized sweaters instead of a coat.  _ Why Kyungsoo was so affected by him so quickly. _

  
  


“Kyungsoo?” 

  
  


Kyungsoo jerked his head up at the sound of his name. He found a very pouty Jongdae walking beside him. Kyungsoo hadn’t even realized Jongdae had fallen into step with him, and wondered how long Jongdae had been talking to him before he realized. 

  
  
  


“You weren’t even listening to meeeeeeee!” Jongdae whined, making a big show of poking out his bottom lip and wiping away fake tears from his eyes. “You and Baek never listen to me anymore, you’re always lost inside your own heads.”

  
  
  


“Sorry, Dae, I was just thinking. What were you saying?”

  
  
  


“I was  _ saying _ that I have that big criminal law exam in twenty minutes, the one that got postponed because the professor was sick. And students from the morning section said he added even more questions since we had even more time to study,” Jongdae explained. 

“And I’m worried,” he added, wringing his hands together.

  
  
  


Kyungsoo held the door open for Jongdae as they entered the main university building, which housed the majority of the campus lecture halls as well as several cafes. 

  
  
  


“Dae, you’ve got this. You’ve been studying hard specifically for this for what, a month?”

  
  
  


Jongdae nodded hesitantly. 

  
  
  


“Right, so you’ve done all you can to prepare. Just relax, it’ll be fine and you’ll do great.” Kyungsoo smiled and ruffled Jongdae’s hair affectionately. 

  
  
  


Jongdae’s forlorn expression quickly morphed into a grin. “If I do well, then you’ll make me my favorite food right?” 

  
  
  


Before Kyungsoo even got the chance to respond, Jongdae was sprinting down the corridor towards the lecture halls. As he ran, he turned over his shoulder and shouted, “Thanks Kyungsoo, you’re the best!” 

  
  
  


If Kyungsoo didn’t know Jongdae any better, he would’ve thought the whole thing was just a ploy to get a home-cooked meal. But since he knew Jongdae was so outgoing and overconfident that he rarely sought out reassurance for anything, Kyungsoo just shook his head and smiled as he made his way to Morning Dew, one of the building’s cafes, for his weekly sociology study group. 

  
  
  


Given Kyungsoo brought his own coffee from home most days, he skipped ordering any food or drink at the counter and went straight to his group’s usual table by the windows. The rest of the group filed in a few minutes later, and they quickly got to work comparing notes from their lectures and field observations.

  
  
  


Almost an hour had passed before Kyungsoo pried his eyes off the pages scattered around the table and looked around the cafe. He was never one to do much people watching, but his eyes needed to stare at literally anything but words or screens for a few minutes, and there were no other options. 

  
  
  


He scanned the cafe a few times, his eyes absentmindedly passing over the other patrons. There were more study groups quietly poring over their assignments, some solo students enjoying a coffee break, and quite a long line of customers wrapping around the counter, probably stocking up on caffeine for their night classes. 

  
  
  


Kyungsoo continued his disinterested scan of the cafe’s clientele, when his eyes froze on something,  _ someone _ , he wasn’t expecting to see.

  
  
  


_ Oh my god, that’s Jongin.  _

  
  
  


Sure enough, Jongin stood behind the counter wearing the baby blue apron of the cafe’s employees, busily organizing the bins of coffee beans. 

  
  
  


Anxiety and anticipation coursed through Kyungsoo’s veins. He argued with himself about whether to go up to Jongin, weighing the pros and cons of talking with him and debating the outcomes of various conversation starters. It wasn’t like he was going to go up to Jongin and say  _ “Hi we know next to nothing about each other but I’ve basically been obsessing over you for three days wanna grab lunch?” _ So the truth definitely wasn’t an option. 

  
  
  


After a few agonizing minutes, Kyungsoo realized what he had to do. 

  
  
  


Nothing.

  
  


He’d do nothing except provide Jongin the opportunity to break the ice, to ease the tension of...whatever was going on between them. He wasn’t about to speak first —that job he’d gladly leave to Jongin, who, in Kyungsoo’s opinion, owed him that much after staring him down like that in the library.

  
  
  


So, he decided that instead of working in the library during his daily breaks as he usually would, he’d start coming back to the cafe on his own. Eventually Jongin would have to notice him, right? And if Jongin felt drawn to him like Kyungsoo was to Jongin, eventually they’d speak to each other.

  
  
  


Smiling to himself, Kyungsoo returned what he could of his attention to his work, and once again found himself sneaking glances at an unaware Jongin.

  
  
  
  
  


************

  
  
  
  
  


Jongin loved Thursdays. He had his favorite education classes in the morning with his best friend Chanyeol, time for a quick lunch, and then the highlight of his whole week: the closing shift at Morning Dew. The cafe itself wasn’t anything special, but it was  _ who went  _ to the cafe on Thursday afternoons that had Jongin practically skipping to his shift. 

  
  
  


_ Kyungsoo will be here today,  _ Jongin thought, grinning to himself as he took his baby blue apron from the hook in the cafe’s back hallway. 

  
  
  


He’d noticed Kyungsoo during the first week of the semester, the first time their study group took up residence at the table by the windows. How could Jongin have _ not  _ noticed him? Kyungsoo was gorgeous —from his heart-shaped lips to the little crease in between his eyebrows when he’s concentrating. Every time he came to the cafe, Jongin had to consciously avert his eyes to keep from forgetting his job entirely in favor of staring at Kyungsoo the whole time. 

  
  
  


That’d been the extent of their interaction for months, until three days ago when Chanyeol unknowingly made the introduction Jongin had been hoping for since September. Unfortunately for Jongin, he was too overwhelmed being so close to Kyungsoo for the first time that all he did was stare at him and try to muster up the courage to talk to him about literally anything without sounding like a complete and total idiot. Hopefully, Kyungsoo didn’t think he was a creep, but at least Jongin didn’t make a fool out of himself by saying “ _ hey I’ve been daydreaming about kissing you for weeks, _ ” so he decided to take that as a win. 

  
  
  


He always wanted to get closer to Kyungsoo, to get to know him and the person behind the stunning features. But he was always too shy, too shy to even mention his crush to anyone. Well, everyone except—

  
  
  


“Taemin, could you move?” Jongin sighed in exasperation as his coworker leaned on the counter in front of him, blocking his path. 

  
  
  


“About time you showed up, loverboy has already been here for twenty minutes,” Taemin smirked, a glint of playfulness flickering in his eyes. 

  
  
  


Jongin’s face flushed. “Quiet down,” Jongin hissed, hurriedly looking around to make sure no one heard their exchange. Taemin only laughed, and raised his voice even louder.

  
  
  


“Calm down, Jongin. No one cares about your crush on—”

  
  
  


Jongin yanked Taemin back through the “Employee’s Only” door and clamped his hand down over Taemin’s mouth just in time. 

  
  
  


“I swear could you chill—EW!” Jongin shrieked, instantly recoiling his palm from Taemin’s face when he felt Taemin lick the palm of his hand. Taemin cackled and blew him a kiss in response.

  
  
  


“You’ve got to talk to him one of these days. I’m only giving you a helping hand,” Taemin said. 

  
  
  


“More like you’re giving me heart attacks,” Jongin grumbled under his breath as he washed his hands. 

  
  
  
  
  


************************

  
  
  
  
  


Even though Fridays meant waking up earlier than usual to go to work, Jongin didn’t mind because that was the only day of the week Jongin didn’t work the same shift as Taemin. As much as he loved the guy, Jongin appreciated the peace and quiet he got without Taemin constantly teasing him about Kyungsoo. 

  
  
  


Most of his morning passed smoothly and quickly. He was on stocking duty that day, something that always relaxed him since he didn’t have to talk with anyone. All Jongin had to do was restock the supplies behind the counter and organize the storeroom, so he was barely in the front of the cafe until his mid-shift break.

  
  
  


Jongin was making himself a hot chocolate to enjoy on his break when he froze, mid-pour. Kyungsoo sat casually reading a book at a table in the corner, not 10 meters away from Jongin.

  
  
  


_ Kyungsoo is here why is he here he’s never here it’s not Thursday right? _ Jongin whipped around to check the calendar hanging on the wall and saw that it was, in fact, Friday, and he wasn’t living some sort of Groundhog Day scenario. 

  
  
  


“Um...Jongin? You’re spilling the milk,” one of the other baristas said. 

  
  
  


Jongin looked down, and found he’d never actually stopped pouring milk into his hot chocolate and had created a big spill on the counter. 

  
  
  


“Ah, sorry Yeri. I got distracted,” Jongin flashed an apologetic smile her way, which she reciprocated sweetly. 

  
  
  


“No worries Jongin, I already made you another hot chocolate. Go take your break, okay? I’ve got this,” Yeri said, gesturing to the spill. She handed him a new, steaming mug of hot chocolate that wasn’t swimming in milk. Jongin took it gratefully, and with one last flustered glance at Kyungsoo, went back to the break room to think. He needed to come up with a plan, and fast.

  
  
  
  
  


*****************

  
  
  
  
  


When Monday’s shift rolled around, Jongin felt a little more prepared for any unexpected Kyungsoo sightings. Or so he thought.

  
  
  


“Jongin, would you  _ please  _ just go talk to him? Watching you freak out over him is getting painful,” Taemin whined as he watched Jongin wipe the same counter for the third time in a row, just so he had an excuse to stay in the front and stare at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo was once again sitting at the table in the corner, quietly writing in his notebook. 

  
  
  


“I will physically die if I go up to him and he’s not interested, so no thanks,” Jongin quipped, eyes flickering between the now spotless counter and Kyungsoo.

  
  
  


Taemin rolled his eyes, and came up with a plan of his own. 

  
  
  
  
  


**************

  
  
  
  
  


Luckily for Taemin, the very next day the perfect opportunity to put his plan into action presented itself. He and Jongin were the only two baristas working behind the counter, with Taemin on the register and Jongin making the drinks, when Taemin saw Kyungsoo walk into the cafe. 

  
  
  


Instead of going to his usual table right away, however, Kyungsoo walked up to the counter to place an order for the very first time. Taemin grinned, already plotting on how he’d use the situation to his advantage. 

  
  
  


“Hi, welcome to Morning Dew, what can I get you today?” Taemin said, already smiling as he imagined how flustered Jongin was about to be. 

  
  
  


“Hi, could I get a medium peppermint mocha?” Kyungsoo replied, handing over a few bills to Taemin. 

  
  
  


“Sure, and a name for your order?” Taemin smirked. He wasn’t about to reveal he knew who Kyungsoo was already, he wasn’t  _ that  _ cruel. 

  
  
  


“Kyungsoo.”

  
  
  


“Great, it’ll be ready shortly, pickup is at the end of the counter.” Taemin glanced around the cafe as Kyungsoo made his way behind the short line of students at the pickup area, and found that no other customers were waiting to be served. Perfect.

  
  
  


“Hey Jongin, I’m going to take my break now. Yeri will be back from hers in a few minutes, can you manage alone until then?” Taemin asked. 

  
  
  


Jongin didn’t look up from the smoothie he was preparing, completely absorbed in his work. “Sure, go ahead.”

  
  
  


_ He’s not a stuttering mess yet, so he hasn’t seen Kyungsoo. Good, that’ll give me enough time to get a good seat to watch.  _ Taemin thought, grinning to himself as he clocked out on break and walked through the employee’s door to the back hallway. He pulled his phone out to record Jongin’s reaction through the little window of the door.

  
  
  


Back behind the counter, Jongin had just finished serving three iced teas to a group of girls, and started making the last drink he had waiting: a peppermint mocha. Simple enough, but he much preferred peppermint hot chocolate to anything with espresso. A barista who doesn’t like coffee. Jongin thought about the irony of that a lot. 

  
  
  


He made the drink carefully but quickly, hoping to get some cleaning done before the next rush of students came in. 

  
  
  


“Peppermint mocha for—”Jongin hesitated for a moment to slide the coffee sleeve onto the hot to-go cup, and froze when he read the name written on the side in Taemin’s messy handwriting. “Kyungsoo,” Jongin finished, his voice dropping to almost a whisper. He raised his eyes (which were nearly bulging out of his head) from the cup and sure enough, Kyungsoo himself was standing there, looking right at him. 

  
  
  


Almost mechanically, Jongin handed Kyungsoo the drink, his face burning. 

  
  
  


Kyungsoo accepted the cup, and took a quick sip. 

  
  
  


“Thank you,” Kyungsoo said, his voice much deeper than Jongin expected. He flashed Jongin a heart-shaped smile, and walked out of the cafe, leaving a dumbfounded Jongin in his wake.

  
  
  


_ That voice. That smile.  _ Jongin swore he fell in love right then and there. 

  
  
  


Not even Taemin’s incessant teasing as he replayed the video of Jongin’s interaction with Kyungsoo could bring Jongin’s mood down. He was on top of the world. 

  
  
  


_ Kyungsoo smiled at me.  _

  
  
  


He made it his mission to give Kyungsoo his number. 

  
  
  
  
  


*****************************

  
  
  
  
  


For the next week, Jongin tried every way he could think of to slip Kyungsoo his phone number except for, you know, going up and talking to him. No, Jongin’s methods were much more complicated, each more convoluted than the last.

  
  
  


On Tuesday, Jongin tried discreetly writing it on one of the napkins at Kyungsoo’s favorite table for him to find. 

  
  
  


Kyungsoo never saw the message, though, as he used the napkins to help a girl next to him wipe up a spill that happened as soon as he sat down.

  
  
  


On Wednesday, Jongin tried again. He saw Kyungsoo order coffee to-go, and used the opportunity to scribble his number on the coffee sleeve. 

  
  
  


Kyungsoo emptied the coffee cup into a thermos he’d brought from home, and disposed of the cup before he got the chance to read it.

  
  
  


On Thursday, Jongin knew Kyungsoo would be in the cafe for a while for his study group. His chance arose when Kyungsoo ordered a cappuccino— what’s more romantic than writing your phone number in cappuccino foam?

  
  
  


A lot of things, apparently, because the foam ended up looking a mess and Jongin had to remake the whole drink. 

  
  
  


By Friday, Jongin felt like he was going to combust.. He was running out of ideas, but couldn’t work up the nerve to just  _ go up _ to him. 

  
  
  


Jongin had nearly given up entirely, unable to summon the courage he needed to adequately break the ice without making a complete fool out of himself, and resigned himself to wiping tables for the morning.  _ To give myself time to think, _ he tried to convince himself, but he knew the real reason was to be closer to Kyungsoo.

  
  
  


As he finished wiping down the seats of a booth not too far from where Kyungsoo was sitting, Jongin suddenly felt a pair of eyes on him. He glanced sideways and caught Kyungsoo not-so-subtly staring at his ass. Kyungsoo’s face turned red, and he quickly averted his eyes, pretending to be busy scrolling on his phone. 

  
  
  


_ Oh my god he was just checking me out.  _ Jongin bit back a grin, and a wave of confidence washed over him. 

  
  
  


Without even thinking about it, Jongin walked over to Kyungsoo’s table and sat down across from him. Kyungsoo peered at him with wide eyes and an unreadable expression.

  
  
  


Normally, that would’ve been the part where Jongin would have run away, but nothing could deter him from finally getting his point across. 

  
  
  


“Hi.” Jongin smiled at Kyungsoo, mentally congratulating himself for not stuttering. “I’m Jongin.” 

  
  
  


Kyungsoo chuckled at the cute gesture of an introduction, given that on top of the fact that they’d already been introduced by Chanyeol and Baekhyun, Jongin was wearing a name tag. He went along with it anyway. “Hi, I’m Kyungsoo.” 

  
  
  


Jongin somehow stopped himself from melting into a puddle of goo when he heard that  sexy  voice again, and continued ahead with his mission. “I think you’re really cute, and honestly I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to talk to you for months, so maybe we can go out sometime?” 

  
  
  


A few seconds of silence passed after the bombshell question, during which Kyungsoo stared at Jongin, stunned by the sudden admission. Jongin only smiled in response, and took a pen from his apron pocket to scribble his number down on a spare napkin at the table. 

  
  
  


“It’s okay, you don’t have to answer now or anything. Just text me when you decide.” With one last smile, Jongin left the wide-eyed, speechless Kyungsoo and walked to the back of the cafe. He didn’t look back or break stride once, using every ounce of self-control he had not to sprint into the walk-in freezer and scream. His whole body was shaking from the adrenaline rush, and the excitement of doing something he’d wanted to for so long left Jongin breathless.

  
  
  


Thankfully, he kept his composure until he was in the break room. Once inside, Jongin’s calm facade immediately dissipated. His wide eyes and hyperventilating scared most of his coworkers away, not to mention how he was mumbling “ _ ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod _ ” under his breath and pacing around in circles. At least Taemin wasn’t working that day, or he would’ve filmed Jongin’s mental breakdown.

  
  
  


Unbeknownst to Jongin, there wasn’t any reason for him to worry, since a very smitten, red-faced Kyungsoo sat grinning at the napkin in his hands, already planning their first date in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they're adorable, writing this made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside


	6. Chapter 6

Halloween had always been Baekhyun’s favorite holiday, even though he refused to dress up. While he loved all the spooky decorations that popped up in the city, Baekhyun was more thrilled to have an excuse to marathon horror movies. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun had this Halloween all planned out: he’d go to class during the day, stop by the store on the way home to grab popcorn and candy, and hole up on his couch with Jongdae and Kyungsoo where they’d watch horror movies into the early morning. Unfortunately, his movie-watching partners had other plans. 

  
  
  


“What do you mean you’re going to a party tonight?” Baekhyun whined, tugging on Jongdae’s arm as the three roommates walked to their first classes of the day.

  
  
  


Jongdae didn’t shake off Baekhyun’s grip. Instead, he used Baekhyun’s arm to twirl himself around excitedly. “It’s not just any party, it’s the sponsored Halloween party!” Jongdae gushed. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun only blinked at him in response. 

  
  
  


“Seriously Baek? Have you not listened to anything happening on campus for the past month?” Jongdae asked incredulously. Baekhyun shook his head. 

  
  
  


“Come _on_ , you two. If you two don’t start walking again, we’ll be late.” Kyungsoo looped his arm through Baekhyun’s and pulled him along, Jongdae eagerly following.

  
  
  


For the next ten minutes Baekhyun was (unwillingly) filled in on all the details. Apparently the university got tired of dealing with drunken students throwing Halloween parties in their dorms or school-sponsored apartments, and decided to pay for a university exclusive party off campus. Supposedly busing all the partying students to an unknown ballroom somewhere in the city, supplying them with an open bar, and letting them drink and dance all night was better than them running wild on campus. Baekhyun didn’t get the allure of seeing all your classmates get wasted and sloppy when you could just stay home instead, but Jongdae was practically skipping down the sidewalk as he chattered away about his plans.

  
  
  


“...and the tickets sold out only twenty minutes after they were released, otherwise I definitely would’ve gotten some for you two. Besides….” Baekhyun tuned Jongdae out. He was liable to keep talking for hours now that they’d gotten him started. Well, at least Kyungsoo would never ditch him for a party. He’s even more of a homebody than Baekhyun.

  
  
  


“Okay, Dae’s out. What movie should we start with tonight?” 

  
  
  


Kyungsoo grimaced slightly and shot Baekhyun an apologetic look. “Actually, I’m going to the party too.” 

  
  
  


Baekhyun dropped Kyungsoo’s arm in shock. Jongdae’s jaw practically hit the pavement. 

  
  
  


“You too?? Since when do you go to parties?” Baekhyun grumbled, disappointed. 

  
  
  


“Since my professor got our whole department tickets so we can write our final papers on the event.” Kyungsoo shrugged. “Plus, it sounds fun, and no one will have to worry about drunk driving since they’re taking everyone there on buses.”

  
  
  


“Oh my god I’m so excited you’ll be there too!” Jongdae squealed as he pounced on Kyungsoo, encasing him in a hug that felt way too strong for someone as small as Jongdae. 

  
  
  


Before Kyungsoo had the chance to pry Jongdae’s limbs off of him, Jongdae released his grip and backed away with narrowed eyes. 

  
  
  


“Wait, your meeting with your professor was at the beginning of the month! You’ve known all this time that you’d be going too and you never told me!” Jongdae screeched. 

  
  
  


“You never asked,” Kyungsoo answered, an amused smirk on his lips. 

  
  
  


“We could’ve matched our costumes, it would’ve been so cute!” Jongdae whined. Kyungsoo only ruffled his hair in apology. They resumed their walk to class: Jongdae eagerly planning their night at the party, Kyungsoo listening, and Baekhyun sulking behind them. 

  
  
  


_I guess I’ll have to find something else to do,_ Baekhyun thought sullenly.

  
  
  
  
  
  


*************************************

  
  
  
  
  
  


The morning passed slowly. Everyone in his lectures was more focused on their Halloween plans than actually learning anything. One of his professors even brought in candy and put on a Halloween movie instead of teaching. Baekhyun was almost excited, but it turned out to be a children’s movie that wasn’t scary at all. At least he got a lollipop out of it. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun shivered as he made his way to the library, looking forward to the hot tea he was going to buy himself at the library cafe. He looked around at the other students walking by, most in costumes, and wondered how they weren’t freezing to death. 

  
  
  


_Why do Halloween costumes usually involve wearing the least amount of clothes possible? Don’t they care about being warm?_

  
  
  


As he walked, Baekhyun scanned around him to see if just one person was wearing a weather-appropriate costume. It took him almost the entire walk over to spot one. 

  
  
  


Someone in an Iron Man costume sat at one of the outdoor tables of the library cafe, typing on their phone.

  
  
  


_Finally, a costume that actually covers someone’s arms and legs. They even have a mask._

  
  
  


Baekhyun felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. 

  
  
  
  


**12:46 Soo:** _Sorry I forgot to mention the party tonight. Will you be okay?_

**12:47 Soo:** _You should ask Chanyeol to hang out!_

  
  
  
  


Baekhyun smiled and typed out a quick response. Kyungsoo’s worrying never annoyed him. It reassured him that he was cared for. 

  
  
  


He shoved his phone back in his pocket and continued walking. Before he could enter the cafe, however, something caught Baekhyun’s attention. 

  
  
  


_Why is Iron Man waving at me?_ Baekhyun looked behind him to make sure the wave wasn’t actually intended for someone else.

  
  
  


_Yep, definitely waving at me._

  
  
  


_Definitely coming over to me now._ Baekhyun debated making a run for it. He could get tea later. 

  
  
  


Sadly, making decisions quickly had never been Baekhyun’s forte. He didn’t get the chance to escape the encounter before Iron Man stood in front of him, removing his mask and running his fingers through his hair. 

  
  
  


“ _Of course_ it’s you.” Baekhyun tried to roll his eyes but couldn’t suppress the grin on his lips.

  
  
  


Chanyeol laughed. “Why’d you say it like that? Not happy to see me?”

  
  
  


“Not dressed like the worst superhero of all time, I’m not.”

  
  
  


Chanyeol playfully shoved Baekhyun’s shoulder. “He’s the best Avenger and you know it. This costume is only the first version. One day when I have enough money I’m going to get a real Iron Man costume!”

  
  
  


“Sure, Yeol. Whatever you say.” Baekhyun smiled. Now that Chanyeol was up close, Baekhyun couldn’t help but check out his costume. It was relatively simple: red knee-high shoe coverings, a fitted polyester shirt and pants combo with the Iron Man suit details printed on them, and a mask to match. Baekhyun couldn’t help but admit that Chanyeol looked good. It suited him, goofy yet charming. And the padding of the arms really made him look strong and—

  
  
  


Chanyeol stretched his arms overhead. Baekhyun gulped. 

  
  
  


_Okay that’s definitely not padding. Those are his actual arms ohmygod._

  
  
  


“Helloooo, Baek?” Chanyeol waved a hand in front of Baekhyun’s face.

  
  
  


Baekhyun coughed and looked away. He didn’t realize he’d been standing there silently staring at Chanyeol’s biceps, and desperately hoped he hadn’t been caught. If the staring hadn’t been obvious enough, the blush rapidly spreading on Baekhyun’s cheeks would definitely do him in. 

  
  
  


“Sorry, spaced out for a second. What’d you say?” Baekhyun asked hurriedly.

  
  
  


“I asked what your plans were for tonight. Doing anything fun?” 

  
  
  


Baekhyun sighed in relief. He hadn’t been caught. “I was planning to watch horror movies with Kyungsoo and Jongdae, but they’re both going to that party the university is throwing. Guess I’ll just be at home. You?”

  
  
  


“I got invited to a couple of Halloween parties, but I’m not gonna go. Jongin usually drags me to at least one every year, but thankfully he ditched me for the same party your friends are going to.” Chanyeol gave him a small smile. “Looks like all of our friends ditched us.”

  
  
  


Baekhyun _knew_ that was the time to ask Chanyeol to hang out that night. He knew it, but he couldn’t get rid of the nagging thought that Chanyeol would reject him. Baekhyun didn’t want to risk it. 

  
  
  


But when he met Chanyeol’s eyes, the words flew out of his mouth before he could even think about them. 

  
  
  


“So, are you up for a horror movie marathon?” Baekhyun tensed when he realized what he asked, already bracing himself for the rejection. 

  
  
  


“Of course!” Chanyeol beamed. Relief washed over Baekhyun. Maybe that night wouldn’t be so bad after all. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**************************

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Chanyeol, remind me again why we need this much food for two people? And why there’s no elevator in your building?” Baekhyun huffed as he _finally_ made it to the doorway of Chanyeol’s apartment, arms full of convenience store bags. For someone who spent so much time walking, he really should be in better shape, but the five floor walk up nearly had him wheezing. 

  
  
  


“Because this building is old as hell, and we need snacks for a proper Halloween party! Even if it’s just us,” Chanyeol exclaimed as he unlocked the door, somehow breathing normally even though he carried the same number of bags as Baekhyun. 

  
  
  


“Easy, Toben, easy!” Chanyeol had opened the door to a very animated Toben, who barked a short hello and dove straight into the nearest convenience store bag. Chanyeol picked the puppy up immediately, as if he’d been expecting that reaction. Toben let out a short whine in protest, disappointed that he didn’t get to rifle through the snacks the pair brought. 

  
  
  


“Baek, can you take these to the kitchen? I have to take Toben outside. We won’t be long, will we Toben?” Toben blinked at Chanyeol in response. “He says he’ll be quick. See you in a minute!” 

  
  
  


And just like that, Baekhyun was left alone in Chanyeol’s apartment. He tried not to let the silence bother him as he slipped off his shoes and carried the bags to the counter. Baekhyun got to work organizing the candies and making popcorn, busying his hands so that the memories of the last time he was in the apartment didn’t seem so suffocating. 

  
  
  


Five minutes passed, and Baekhyun had prepared everything he could possibly think of. The candies were in little bowls and placed on the coffee table, a large bowl of popcorn beside them. He’d even mixed the vodka fruit punch Chanyeol insisted they make, “to make it a real Halloween party.” There was nothing left to do but wait. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun wandered around the living room, pausing in front of the framed picture of the Realto bridge. He traced the water flowing beneath the white stone, and wondered where the water ended up after that picture had been taken. 

  
  
  


_Where would I have ended up if Chanyeol hadn’t found me that night?_

  
  
  


Baekhyun’s hand stilled on the picture. He closed his eyes and willed himself not to relive one of the worst nights of his life. But the intrusive thoughts couldn’t be rebuffed so easily.

  
  
  


_Who cares where you’d be? No one cares about you._

  
  
  


_You should’ve jumped off that bridge. Everyone would be happier if you had._

  
  
  


Baekhyun felt his heart rate start to climb, but he was not about to give in to an attack. Not that night, when he was supposed to have fun with Chanyeol. Determined, his eyes fluttered open, and he began the grounding technique that Kyungsoo asked him to try the next time he felt an attack coming on.

  
  
  


_Five things I can see: Toben’s rope toy, a tiny chip in the paint on the wall, Chanyeol’s black hoodie, the couch, and a tiny statue of a black cat._

  
  
  


_Four things I can feel: the carpet beneath my feet, the small air current from the radiator, the fabric of my shirt touching my arms, my heartbeat._

  
  
  


Baekhyun didn’t realize that he’d started rubbing comforting circles on his own wrist.

  
  
  


_Three things I can hear: the whir of Chanyeol’s dishwasher, an electronic buzzing noise from the television, and a car horn outside._

  
  
  


_Two things I can smell: popcorn and Chanyeol’s cologne._

  
  
  


_One positive thing about myself: I was on time for class today._

  
  
  


By the end of the exercise, Baekhyun felt much calmer. He made a mental note to thank Kyungsoo later. 

  
  
  


Looking around Chanyeol’s apartment didn’t bring a torrent of harmful thoughts anymore. In their place, phantom whispers of gentle words exchanged that night floated back through the air. 

  
  
  


_“Can you stay?” “Of course.”_

  
  
  


_“I’ll wait until you fall asleep.”_

  
  
  


_“I’m glad you’re here.”_

  
  
  


Warmth spread through Baekhyun’s chest as he remembered the tenderness of Chanyeol’s touches, the compassion and comfort Chanyeol had offered to him that night even as a complete stranger. He felt safe with Chanyeol. Baekhyun smiled at the realization. 

  
  
  


Keys rattling broke Baekhyun’s trance. 

  
  
  


“We’re back!” Chanyeol called from the door. Baekhyun met them at the entryway, but paused in confusion when he noticed that Chanyeol wasn’t making any move to come inside. Instead, he stood silently smiling at Baekhyun, mirth evident in his eyes. 

  
  
  


“...what? Is there something on my face?” Baekhyun hastily rubbed his cheeks. Chanyeol shook his head slightly, his smile widening into a grin. 

  
  
  


“Why are you smiling like that?” Baekhyun couldn’t help laughing a bit. Chanyeol’s smile was contagious even if Baekhyun was beyond bewildered by the situation. 

  
  
  


A miniscule movement answered Baekhyun’s question. Chanyeol’s chocolate-colored eyes flickered down to the floor, his grin nearly reaching his ears by that point. Following the clue, Baekhyun shifted so he could see the floor by Chanyeol’s feet. And then he noticed.

  
  
  


“Seriously? You put Toben in a Captain America costume?” 

  
  
  


Sure enough, Toben laid on his back at Chanyeol’s feet wearing a Captain America themed dog sweater, complete with a tiny hood as a helmet. 

  
  
  


“Isn’t it adorable?? It’s the perfect costume to match mine!” Chanyeol picked Toben up and twirled them around, showing off their costumes to an amused Baekhyun. 

  
  
  


“That’s why we took a bit longer than I thought, I wanted to put on his costume in the hallway to surprise you but he was being difficult,” Chanyeol said. 

  
  
  


“I can see that,” Baekhyun chuckled as he watched Chanyeol struggle to keep Toben from biting off the hood of his costume. 

  
  
  


“Let’s hurry up and take a picture so I can get this off him. He’ll destroy it as soon as I put him down.” 

  
  
  


Baekhyun held out his hand to take Chanyeol’s cell phone so he could snap a picture of the two Avengers, but Chanyeol had another idea.

  
  
  


“C’mon Baek, get in!” Chanyeol held his phone up above his shoulders and tried to position Toben in the frame to capture his sweater. 

  
  
  


“But I’m not in costume…” Baekhyun hesitated, not wanting to ruin what was otherwise a festive picture.

  
  
  


“Hush, that doesn’t matter, it’s the family Halloween picture!” Chanyeol said. He started snapping selfies of the trio in an impromptu foyer photoshoot. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun smiled along for the photos and even did some silly poses, but his mind lingered on what Chanyeol had just said. 

  
  
  


_Family._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


******************************

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Three hours and two horror movies later, Baekhyun had decided that there’s no one better to watch horror movies with than Chanyeol. Though he talked a tough game before the movies started, saying “I won’t be scared, I can handle it,” and “I’ll be totally fine,” Chanyeol spent the entirety of both movies flinching at every single jump scare. More than once he actually screamed so loud that he woke poor Toben from his sleep. Baekhyun just laughed, amused beyond belief seeing Chanyeol hide underneath his blanket and watch scary scenes through his fingers. 

  
  
  


About halfway through the first film, a new movie about an exorcism performed on a young girl possessed by a demon, Chanyeol started stress eating the popcorn. Baekhyun had to confiscate the bowl, since Chanyeol nearly threw it across the room when the demon appeared on screen. That didn’t stop Chanyeol from stress eating, though. He simply scooted closer to Baekhyun on the couch and kept munching. Baekhyun didn’t mind the closeness, even though their legs were touching and Chanyeol kept grabbing his arm tightly every time he got scared. 

  
  
  


Before the start of the second film, a story about a serial killer, Chanyeol announced that he needed a drink if they were to continue watching any more scary stuff. Baekhyun obliged, and got the vodka punch from the fridge. He took the liberty of pouring Chanyeol’s drink into a cup with a lid, for obvious reasons. 

  
  
  


“I just looked up the movie, and it said the story is based off of an actual serial killer,” Chanyeol said uneasily as Baekhyun slipped back into his seat.

  
  
  


Baekhyun rolled his eyes as he handed Chanyeol his drink. “Yeah, I know. That’s why I wanted to watch it.” 

  
  
  


“Are you kidding?? That makes it so much scarier! How can you handle watching stuff you know actually happened?”

  
  
  


“Real stories are more compelling,” Baekhyun mused as he took a sip from his drink. “‘Life is infinitely stranger than anything which the mind of man could invent.’”

  
  
  


Chanyeol looked at Baekhyun incredulously. “Did you just quote Sherlock Holmes to me? I guess you really _are_ a literature major.” 

  
  
  


“I have my moments,” Baekhyun answered, a little surprised that Chanyeol caught his reference. 

  
  
  


“Well, there’s no use arguing the wisdom of Sherlock Holmes with a lit major, so let’s get this over with. It can’t be worse than what we just watched.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


***************************

  
  
  
  
  
  


“I was so wrong oh my god that was SO much worse,” Chanyeol lamented as he buried his face into the couch cushion, where it had stayed for the majority of the serial killer movie. 

  
  
  


“Come on, it wasn’t that bad. Only a couple gory scenes.” 

  
  
  


Chanyeol’s head shot up off the pillow. He looked at Baekhyun in disbelief. “B-but the thing with the fingernails! And the _neck_ …” Chanyeol trailed off as he remembered the serial killer’s methods. He shuddered. He’d had enough scary movies for that Halloween. Probably enough for his whole life. 

  
  
  


A soft huff interrupted the silence. Toben stood in front of the couch staring at Chanyeol expectantly. 

  
  
  


“Ah, Toben wants to go out. We gotta take him on a walk.” Chanyeol stood from the couch, stretching. 

  
  
  


“We? I’m coming too?” 

  
  
  


“If you think I’m going to the park across the street alone in the dark after seeing _those,_ ” Chanyeol gestured to the television with a look of disdain, “you are very wrong.”

  
  
  


Five minutes later the pair found themselves walking to the small park down the street. Considering they were a bit tipsy (thanks to the vodka punch), it was a wonder that they only struggled a bit getting Toben and themselves out the door.

  
  
  


As they walked, Chanyeol kept nervously glancing over his shoulder, as if he was afraid a serial killer would materialize right behind them on the (very well lit) street. After several shadows made Chanyeol flinch, Baekhyun decided to do some teasing. 

  
  
  


“Are you okay, or do I need to take Toben by myself?” Baekhyun smirked. Judging from how Chanyeol’s eyes were so wide they rivaled the size of Kyungsoo’s, he wasn’t exactly coping well with watching scary things at night. Baekhyun found him more entertaining than the movies themselves. 

  
  
  


“I’m fine! I’m not scared,” Chanyeol said, his voice about an octave higher than it normally sounded. 

  
  
  


But he was not, in fact, fine. 

  
  
  


Chanyeol managed to scare himself not once, not twice, but three times before they got to the park. First, a squirrel rustled a tree branch and Chanyeol was convinced a murderer was hiding behind its trunk. (He made Baekhyun check— everything was fine.) Then, a group of people turned the street corner at the same time they did, causing Chanyeol to jump about three feet in the air, let out a high-pitched squeak, and hide behind Baekhyun. Thankfully, the group was too preoccupied with their own conversation to notice. The final scare, however, had Baekhyun nearly doubled over in laughter. 

  
  
  


“How the hell would someone be able to kidnap you? Especially in a car that small?” Baekhyun laughed, leaning up against a streetlight to keep himself upright. “A-and they were j-just—” Baekhyun couldn’t even get words out because of his cackling, “They were just slowing down to turn the corner! In a car with only two seats!” 

  
  
  


Chanyeol looked on with a pout, decidedly less amused with the situation than Baekhyun. “You never know, they could’ve!”

  
  
  


“Oh my god I’m crying,” Baekhyun said as he wiped the tears from his eyes. “Yeol, they can’t just lift you up, you’re as big as these trees!” He gestured to the tall trees in the park in front of them. 

  
  
  


Chanyeol rolled his eyes and turned to Toben, who was eagerly pulling on his leash, attempting to run after a nearby bird. “You wouldn’t let me get kidnapped right, Toben?” Toben yipped once in response, earning an affectionate pat from Chanyeol. “Good boy, now let’s get this over with so we can go back inside.” 

  
  
  


The trio walked down the main path of the park, illuminated by the small white lights decorating the young trees on either side. Chanyeol extended Toben’s leash to its longest setting, letting the puppy run into the field happily. Baekhyun, on the other hand, decided to have some fun. 

  
  
  


After nearly seven months of living with Jongdae, Baekhyun had picked up some of his mischievous tendencies. Jongdae took great pleasure in surprising his friends, though not always in the sweet and thoughtful way. No, Jongdae preferred sneaking up on people. Most of all, he loved jumping out and startling his unsuspecting targets. 

  
  
  


Jongdae had tried to scare Baekhyun a few times, but after three unsuccessful attempts in a row without Baekhyun reacting in the slightest, Jongdae decided to switch tactics: team up with Baekhyun to scare Kyungsoo, who had never so much as flinched at Jongdae’s antics. Though he didn’t participate as often as Jongdae, Baekhyun thought the charade was fun. Maybe one day Kyungsoo would give them a more entertaining reaction instead of his usual eye-roll. 

  
  
  


_I bet Chanyeol would scream,_ Baekhyun thought with a smirk as he watched Chanyeol gaze fondly at Toben. _Dae will be sorry he missed this._

  
  
  


Without a word, Baekhyun slipped from Chanyeol’s side and scurried behind a nearby tree just off the path. 

  
  
  


_I’ll just wait for him to look around for me, and jump out and say “boo” or something. He’ll obviously scream, and we’ll laugh about it. This’ll be a fun Halloween story._

  
  
  


And so, Baekhyun waited, subtly peeking around the side of the slim tree to keep an eye on Chanyeol. He didn’t want anything to come along that was actually frightening, after all. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun didn’t have to wait long, though. Within seconds, Chanyeol noticed Baekhyun wasn’t beside him anymore and anxiously peered down both directions of the path, to no avail. The path was completely empty besides him and Toben, the only sound being the distant voices of party goers and the slight rustling of the autumn leaves in the breeze. 

  
  
  


“Baek?” Baekhyun heard Chanyeol call his name, anxiety lacing his voice. Baekhyun stayed hidden, smiling. _Good, he doesn’t see me even though this tree doesn’t fully hide me._

  
  
  


“Baek?? Where are you??” Chanyeol’s voice was nearer now, and considerably more panicked. Baekhyun's smile slipped from his face. Something felt...off.

  
  
  


“Baek, come back! _Baek??_ ” Chanyeol sounded absolutely frantic. Baekhyun immediately stepped out from behind the tree. Something told him that it wasn’t funny anymore, that he had to get back to Chanyeol. 

  
  
  


Chanyeol sat on a bench not ten meters away, but he couldn’t see Baekhyun emerge as his face was buried in his hands. Toben, unbothered as usual, sat at Chanyeol’s feet chewing a big stick he found in the grass. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun walked over quickly and slid onto the bench beside Chanyeol. “Hey, it’s okay, I’m here, see?” 

  
  
  


Chanyeol whipped his head up. Before Baekhyun could say anything more, he found himself engulfed in a hug so tight he could barely breathe.

  
  
  


“Where were you? I thought…” Chanyeol trailed off. His voice was weaker than usual, not just because it was muffled against Baekhyun’s shoulder. He was shaking— Baekhyun could feel the tremors in his own body. 

  
  
  


On instrict, Baekhyun tried to lift his arms to hug Chanyeol back, but found his arms were pinned to his sides by the embrace. Chanyeol’s grip on Baekhyun tightened as he felt him move, as if he was afraid Baekhyun would float off without Chanyeol holding him down. 

  
  
  


“Hey...I’m not going anywhere, I’m just trying to get my arms out,” Baekhyun said softly. After a few more reassurances that he was there to stay, Chanyeol relaxed his grip just enough that Baekhyun could slide his arms around Chanyeol. Just as he reciprocated the embrace, Baekhyun heard a ghost of a whimper so reticent he thought he imagined it. Until he realized. Chanyeol wasn’t just shaking, he was _crying._

  
  
  


Baekhyun stilled. He had never been very good at helping other people when they’re upset. Most of the time it was _him_ crying, not someone else, and it’s not like he was very good at helping himself stop crying either. But, whether he was any good at helping or not, that didn't change the fact that Baekhyun was left alone with an upset Chanyeol, and Baekhyun had to at least try _something_. Wracking his brain for some ideas, Baekhyun tried to imagine what his friends would do. 

  
  
  


Jongdae always tried to make people laugh when they were upset. _Probably not the right call._

  
  
  


Kyungsoo’s specialty was being an excellent listener and provider of top-notch hot chocolate. _Well, there’s no hot chocolate to be found and Chanyeol’s not exactly talking, so that’s out._

  
  
  


Which left...Chanyeol himself. Chanyeol, who made Baekhyun feel at peace even as the most vicious battles raged on inside his head. 

  
  
  


_Yeol is always just...there for me. I’ll try doing the same for him._

  
  
  


“Why are you crying?” Baekhyun asked gently. He felt Chanyeol tense in his arms. 

  
  
  


“ _I’mnotcrying_ ,” Chanyeol said quickly into Baekhyun’s shoulder. 

  
  
  


“Yeol, look at me?” Baekhyun felt a shake of a head in response. 

  
  
  


“Please?” Baekhyun felt a sigh, followed by a rush of cold air onto his shoulder as Chanyeol lifted his face.

  
  
  


Baekhyun wiped a stray drop from Chanyeol’s tear-stained cheeks. “Yeol, what’s wrong?”

  
  
  


Chanyeol withdrew his arms and began fiddling with his hands in his lap. “I was scared,” he said in a small voice. 

  
  
  


A wave of guilt washed over Baekhyun. Sure, he meant to scare Chanyeol, but not like that. Not to make him cry. “I’m sorry, I was just playing around, I didn’t mean—” 

  
  
  


Chanyeol waved off his apologies. “It’s not your fault, I’m really bad at being scared.” He paused to wipe his face with the sleeve of his hoodie. “And I really don’t like being alone in the dark,” he murmured.

  
  
  


For a few moments, everything was silent, save for the occasional grinding of Toben’s teeth on the stick he was still preoccupied with. Just as Baekhyun was about to apologize again, Chanyeol chuckled. 

  
  
  


“God, this is embarrassing. I didn’t want you to see me cry.” Chanyeol covered his face with his hands again, while Baekhyun looked at him in disbelief. 

  
  
  


“Yeol, you saw me cry within _two minutes_ of meeting me, and everything that came after, and you’re worried over a little thing like this?” Baekhyun asked incredulously.

  
  
  


That earned a real laugh from Chanyeol. Baekhyun sighed in relief. The bright smile he’d grown so fond of was back, even if Chanyeol’s eyes were still red and puffy. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun took Chanyeol’s hand and squeezed it. “I promise I won’t scare you again. Now come on, let’s get you home.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


****************************

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The first week of November passed slowly. Painfully slowly. 

  
  
  


Chanyeol had grown distant. The impromptu campus meetups had all but ceased; the pair hadn’t seen one another since Halloween, not even in passing. More than that, they weren’t talking by phone anymore either. Rather than Chanyeol sending Baekhyun his entire stream of consciousness as usual, he only responded with brief texts once or twice a day.

  
  
  


On the third day of barely any contact, the worry Baekhyun had been suppressing morphed into all-consuming anxiety. _What if Chanyeol is angry that I scared him the other night? What if he hates me?_

  
  
  


Thoughts of losing Chanyeol plagued him night and day, leaving Baekhyun in a constant state of panic. His nightmares returned with a vengeance, all featuring a certain tall, almond-eyed boy joining the ranks of everyone Baekhyun had ever loved as they spewed hate at him. 

  
  
  


By the second week of November, Baekhyun looked exactly as he felt: awful. His eyes were bloodshot, his skin pale, his demeanor despondent. Kyungsoo and Jongdae noticed the shift in Baekhyun, but didn’t linger. They took care of him, though. Kyungsoo cooked his favorite foods for dinner, Jongdae let him pick what they watched on television. He was grateful for them. But they weren’t Chanyeol. 

  
  
  


“Baek, your turn,” Kyungsoo said. He, Jongdae, and Baekhyun were having their traditional biweekly family board game night. For the past two years, the trio had made a point to always carve out a few hours every other Sunday night to relax and talk over games, no matter what. It was Jongdae’s turn to pick the game, and that’s how Baekhyun found himself engrossed in a game of Uno. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun placed a card on the stack. Kyungsoo went next, placing one of his two remaining cards on the table. “Uno,” he said confidently. 

  
  
  


Jongdae groaned. “How do you _always_ end up with Uno first?” Kyungsoo simply pushed the draw pile towards him. 

  
  
  


As Jongdae predicted, Kyungsoo won the first game. And the second. 

  
  
  


While Kyungsoo shuffled the cards for their third game (since Jongdae refused to stop playing until he either won or figured out how Kyungsoo was “cheating”), Baekhyun found himself nearly unable to keep his eyes open. He busied himself tracing the lines on their wooden table to avoid falling asleep right there and then. 

  
  
  


Kyungsoo cleared his throat and shot Jongdae a pointed look. They seemed to have a silent conversation with their eyes before Jongdae broke the silence. “So Baek, how is talking with Chanyeol going?”

  
  
  


Baekhyun had been dreading this question. “Uh, fine?” 

  
  
  


The doubtful look gracing both his friends’ faces made it clear that they didn’t believe his answer. Baekhyun sighed. “Alright, I’m worried he’s mad at me.”

  
  
  


“Why would he be mad at you?” Jongdae asked as Kyungsoo dealt the cards. 

  
  
  


“Because when we were together on Halloween, I tried to scare him but then he got really worried and upset when I hid and what if he hates me now?” Baekhyun’s worries came tumbling out of his mouth like an avalanche.

  
  
  


“That’d be a silly reason to be angry with someone,” Kyungsoo said. “Don’t worry, Baek. He’s probably just busy with school. Just call him and sort it out, yeah?”

  
  
  


“Yeah, just talk to him!” Jongdae chirped in agreement. 

  
  
  


For the rest of game night, Baekhyun debated doing what his friends suggested. Though he managed to win one round of Uno, and laughed at Jongdae pouting when Kyungsoo won the rest of the rounds, his mind was somewhere else. 

  
  
  


After another hour of playing, Jongdae decided to call it quits for the evening. “I’ve got to head to sleep since I have an early morning ethics class tomorrow,” he announced.

  
  
  


Kyungsoo hummed. “Sure, it’s because of the class and has nothing to do with how you keep losing.”

  
  
  


“Hey! It’s not my fault you two keep ganging up on me with the ‘draw’ cards!” Jongdae whined. 

  
  
  


“Yeah, yeah,” Kyungsoo said as he ruffled Jongdae’s hair. “You go on, Baek and I will clean up.” 

  
  
  


Baekhyun, who was absentmindedly tracing an Uno card as he continued his internal debate, assumed the silence that followed Kyungsoo’s words meant Jongdae had gone to bed. He realized he was mistaken when Jongdae’s face appeared inches before his own, causing Baekhyun to jump in surprise. 

  
  
  


“That’s the first time I’ve ever seen you flinch when I surprise you!” Jongdae said with a smile. “But that means you’re thinking too hard, Baek. Lighten up!” He leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss between Baekhyun’s furrowed brows, causing Baekhyun to smile automatically. 

  
  
  


“That’s more like it.” Jongdae flashed a final smile Baekhyun’s way before skipping down the hall to his room. 

  
  
  


“He’s right, you know. I think you’re overthinking this,” Kyungsoo said as he tidied the game shelf. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun nodded glumly. “Yeah...you’re probably right.”

  
  
  


“I think you should invite him to the next game night. Chanyeol is good for you,” Kyungsoo continued, turning to face Baekhyun. Baekhyun blinked back at him in confusion. Preoccupied with trying to decipher the meaning behind Kyungsoo’s words, Baekhyun didn’t even hear that Kyungsoo hadn’t finished speaking. 

  
  
  


“Baek?” Kyungsoo walked over and placed a hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder to bring him out of his reverie. 

  
  
  


“Sorry, what?”

  
  
  
  


“I said I’ll finish up down here, you go get some rest, okay? Call me if you need anything.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


*********

  
  
  
  
  
  


Rest didn’t find Baekhyun as easily as Kyungsoo hoped.

  
  
  


Hours later, Baekhyun was still agonizing over what to do. He paced in circles around his room, phone gripped tightly in his hand. He’d come to the conclusion that if he called Chanyeol, one of two things would happen. He would be reassured that his worrying had been for nothing, or his fear would be realized. Baekhyun wasn’t so sure he could handle it. But he couldn’t endure much more of the self-tormenting either. 

  
  
  


_Of course he hates you. No one would want to be your friend for long anyways._

  
  
  


Baekhyun pressed his hands to his ears, as if that would stop him from hearing the abuse rattling around inside his head. 

  
  
  


_Once they realize how pathetic you are, they’ll all leave._

  
  
  


_“You’re not good enough for me.”_

  
  
  


_That’s what your ex said, and that’s what Chanyeol will say too. You aren’t good enough for him. You’re not good enough for anyone._

  
  
  


Baekhyun clawed at his chest as he felt his lungs constricting. His breathing was quickly devolving to shallow gasps. 

  
  
  


_He hates you. He never wants to talk to you again—_

  
  
  


“Enough,” Baekhyun said, barely above a whisper. He held his phone in his hand, thumb hovering over Chanyeol’s contact.

  
  
  


Before the voice had any chance to retaliate, Baekhyun pressed call. 

  
  


  
The phone rang once. 

  
  
  


Twice. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun could barely hear the tones over his thundering heartbeat. 

  
  
  


Three rings. 

  
  
  


And then, a click. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun’s heart dropped. _Chanyeol ignored my call?_

  
  
  


He stared numbly at the phone in his hand, blind to how the call hadn’t been disconnected. 

  
  
  


“...hello..?” Chanyeol answered in a gravelly voice, clearly having just woken up. 

  
  
  


Baekhyun couldn’t breathe, let alone speak. His mouth felt like sandpaper, his lungs like they were shrivelling up inside of him. He panicked, worried that Chanyeol would hate him even more for waking him up just to waste his time. 

  
  
  


Just as Baekhyun was about to end the call, Chanyeol’s voice stopped him. 

  
  
  


“Wait, Baek? Are you okay?” Chanyeol sounded more awake now, concern evident in his voice even over the phone. “What’s wrong?” 

  
  
  


Between gasps, Baekhyun managed to squeak out a faint reply. “Are you mad at me?”

  
  
  


“No, of course not. Why do you think I’d be mad at you?” 

  
  
  


Overwhelmed by the relief washing over him, Baekhyun dropped to his knees. He could breathe a little easier now. 

  
  
  


On the other end of the line, Chanyeol heard nothing but the sound of Baekhyun’s hurried breathing in response to his question. He started to worry. “Baek?? What’s wrong?” 

  
  
  


Baekhyun took a deep breath and cleared his throat. Though his mouth still felt like sandpaper, he began to explain. 

  
  
  


“I thought...you were angry with me because of what happened on Halloween,” Baekhyun paused to steady his breathing. “And because we’ve barely talked for a week.”

  
  
  


“Shit, has it really been that long? Baek, I’m _so_ sorry,” Chanyeol said hurriedly. 

  
  
  


“It’s fine, you don’t have to explain. I’m sorry for waking you up, goodni—”

  
  
  


“Baek, wait!” Chanyeol called. “I had no idea it’d been that long, I’ve been so busy writing a big paper for school. Plus, Toben twisted his leg the other day so I had to—”

  
  
  


“Wait, Toben got hurt? Is he okay?” Baekhyun interrupted. His stomach twisted as he thought about the tiny ball of fluff getting hurt. 

  
  
  


“Yeah, he jumped around too much and needed to be carried around for a couple days. Thankfully, he’s better now, but I’ve been swamped with makeup work from the lectures I had to skip to take care of him,” Chanyeol explained. “I’m so sorry, Baek. I don’t want you to think I was ignoring you because I swear I wasn’t.”

  
  
  


Chanyeol’s voice washed over Baekhyun, and with it a sense of calmness Baekhyun had been searching for all week. “I’m glad Toben is doing better. Sorry for waking you up, I’m sure you’re exhausted.”

  
  
  


“Ah, don’t apologize for waking me up. You can do that whenever, you’re more important.”

  
  
  


Baekhyun sat in stunned silence for a moment, feeling heat spread across his cheeks. 

  
  
  


_Chanyeol said I was important._

  
  
  


That night, Baekhyun fell asleep to the sound of Chanyeol’s voice. The call only disconnected once Chanyeol heard the slow, even breathing of a peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaa it took me so long to write this chapter!! i hope the length makes up for how long it's been since i updated. 
> 
> let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> as always, thank you for reading and much love <3


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